Half a man

8- Christmas eve

When Tom opened his eyes, it was dark. His neck was sore and he had the worse taste in his mouth. As he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, he realised Lizzie's head was resting on his left shoulder. Her right arm was dangling on his chest over his other shoulder, her left hand was grasping his shirt on his belly. It had been ages since Tom woke up in someone else's arms. It felt nice.

But this was not what had woken him up. There was somebody in his flat.

-- Keep your voice down Sam, was whispering his Mum. Don't wake them up.

-- I think Tom already is, replied his brother.

Sam appeared in his view field with a queasy smile. Then his Mum joined him.

-- Evening sweetheart, she smiled. I'm sorry, we didn't know you had company. But you weren't answering your phone and I wasn't sure you wanted to spend Christmas eve with us or not.

It took Tom a moment to remember what day it was. Christmas. The tradition in the family was to celebrate it on the 25th. When they were kids, he and his brothers would wake up at dawn to run downstairs and open their presents. It felt like it was an eternity ago. What would never change was the amount of food his Mum would spend the whole day before cooking.

-- But I see you had other plans so I'll leave you to it.

Nikki was looking fondly at him. No, she was looking at Lizzie...Tom felt himself blushing.

-- We're not- She-, he stammered. She just came to say hi.

-- Oh I don't think so, my boy.

She walked around the table and pressed a kiss on top of his head. Lizzie shifted against him but didn't seem to wake up. In front of him, Sam was suppressing a laugh.

-- Seriously dude, he snickered, marry her. I don't think there's anyone else out there willing to pull up with you like she does.

-- Sam, scowled Nikki.

-- What? You said it too!

Lizzie shifted again.

-- I put the food in the fridge, said Nikki ruffling his hair. And I clean the bathroom.

-- Mum, sighed Tom. I'm okay.

-- I know you are sweetheart. Come on Sam, we should go back home before your brothers starts eating without us. Tom, 10:30 tomorrow?

Tom nodded but he was still processing what she said. What food? His Mum cupped his face and kissed his forehead. Then she and Sam left the flat and the sound of the door woke Lizzie up.

She yawned and rubbed her face with her left hand but she stayed against him. She even nuzzled her face deeper in his neck and her lips brushed his skin. Then she tensed and straightened herself.

-- Sorry, she mumbled.

She glanced at him and he gave her a little smile. She rubbed her eyes again and frowned as she looked around.

-- Shit, I let the food in the bag.

Again, what food? She stood up and grabbed a grocery bag that was lying on the floor. She must had left it there when she heard him throwing up in the bathroom.

-- Oh, you put it on the fridge? Thank you Tom. Damn, it's already 9 o'clock? Are you hungry?

Tom stared at her dazzled.

-- Sorry, she added, maybe you have other plans? It's just- Nikki told me you weren't doing anything special tonight and I thought maybe- I mean, if you wanted to- We could spend Christmas eve together and- But it's okay if you-

She stopped babbling when Tom stood up. He walked toward her and pulled her into a hug. She froze for a second but hugged him back, squeezing him tight. Tom felt her heartbeat against his chest, echoing his own. He knew he still had a long way to go and maybe the struggle would never end. But with her, life tasted something. With her, he was feeling again.

-- I'm dysfunctional, he mumbled in her hair. I'm still a mess and...I don't think I'm ready for this but...

-- It's okay Tom, she whispered. I know. But I'm staying.

The bell was ringing like a carillon in his head. I love you. I love you. I love you. It was both warming him and scaring the shit out of him. But she was there and she wasn't asking for anything. She was giving him strength, a purpose even, maybe.

Lizzie let go of him but only to cup his face. She stood on her toes and softly kissed the tip of his nose. They stared at each other, smiling. Then she scrunched her nose.

-- I'm sorry Tom, she said, but you really need to brush your teeth...

He rose his eyebrows, startled, but she bursted out laughing and so did he. She rested her hand on his left shoulder as they kept chuckling.

I love you. I love you. I love you.