Diary of a Rapist (Mercadi Series #3)

Kabanata 20

Kabanata 20

Plantasyon

“Do you still love him, Gwynn?” Mommy asked after a long silence between us.

Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya ang pagiging tanga ko, ang pagbaba ko ng moral ko, ang pagkababae ko, ang kademonyohan ko sa buhay at ang pagiging tanga ko pagdating sa punyetang pag-ibig ko kay Aissen, my love for him is evil, my love for him is toxic and addictive.

“Mom…”

“I don’t even get what you said,” naguguluhang saad ni Mommy, “Ibinigay moa ng sarili mo kay Aissen for a piece of our land?”

“Mommy, mahalaga ang Rancho sa atin, sa amin ni Yana at higit sa lahat ay mahalag ang lugar na iyon sayo! You and Daddy were married to that place, you raised us being next to the Ranch, yun ang pangako niyo sa amin ni Yana, yun ang pamana niyo na sobrang halaga, I was desperate that time Mommy, please understand, I am very eager to get the land back, that is why, I did something horrible to myself.” Muling naglandas ang mga luha sa aking mga mata. Lumunok ako dirediretsong umiyak.

“Gwynn, we are running out of resources but, you doing this dirty works, hindi mo ba inisip na pwede kang lokohin ni Aissen? Hindi mo ba inisip na baka pag ibinigay ko ang sarili ko sa kanya ay hindi naman niya tuparin ang pangako niya? Hindi mo ba naisip na…. ginamit ka lang niya? Rausan lang? Hindi mo ba… Oh my god!” Mommy hissed as she also cried beside me.

“Mommy… I’m so sorry. I wanted to help, I am so stressed and I just want to help, ayokong maghirap tayo. Ayokong maging malungkot ka, I don’t want you and Daddy fighting every night because we are losing our businesses, we are losing our family… you’re losing your connection to Daddy… you are losing the man of your life—“

“He’s not!” patigagal na saad ni Mommy, “Damn it. Mama is right, this is my punishment, this is my punishment for being that clever girl!”

Nalito ako sa sinabi ni Mommy kaya bumaling ako sa kanya, lumuluha pa din siya, in her pink bathrobe, Mommy is losing weight drastically, and I know she’s not in a good state of health right now. Lumunok ako nang tumingin siya sa akin ng may bahid nang sakit at pagkadismaya.

“Your dad is not the man of my dreams, hindi siya ang gusto ko when I was at your age, but I was promised to him because my Mom and Dad wants me to marry him, the heir of one of the most well-known family here in Davao. Because his family is influential and by that time I am in that light. The stardom and my parents are enjoying the spotlight that’s why I am married, I am prisoned here.” She said with a bittersweet smile on her face.

“Mommy what are you talking about?”

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinasabi niya sa akin, hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi niya. Hindi si Daddy ang mahal niya? Hindi siya ang gusto niyang mapangasawa at ipinangako lang siya ng sapilitan ni Lola at Lolo si Mommy kay Daddy?

“I am in love with another man, Gwynn.. and I still love him until now. I am still not over him, because he is my one great love, do you understand that? But because I am committed and I am married to your father that’s why I stayed and tried… I tried to love him, pero hindi.”

“Who is that man, Mommy?” I know, this information is too much but I wanted to know.

“Ramon Zarmienrigos” She blurted out, she smiled at me and then shifted from her seat. “But he found the love of his life, he found her when I was left alone, he found her amidst the dark night while I was wasting my time waiting for him to save me from drowning into your father’s arm. He never found me, I am at fault because I was waiting for nothing, I was waiting to be saved by the man I love but was not.” Namamaos ang boses ni Mommy at para bang mahirap sa kanya ang bagay na ito mahirap sa kanya na aminin sa akin ang bagay na ito.