The Right Side of Wrong

Gifts

Following behind my friends on our way to class, I had my binder clutched to my chest. I was staring down at their feet thinking about not stepping on their heels as I walked, barely listening to the conversation they were having about the Royal Cotillion.

I had had another dream the night before, this time seeing Carlos in the halls with me.

"Looks like this place could use a little misbehavior," he was saying, carrying a bucket full of apples. He wrapped an arm around me as he went, a dark look in his eyes.

I don't want to go with him, I told myself, but my legs didn't stop themselves. My dream-self didn't resist at all.

I almost ran directly into Jay, as the group slowed.

"If you were going to ask someone," Carlos was asking, "what's the best way to go?"

"Listen, all you gotta do... is look like me," Jay joked.

"Oh ha, ha," Carlos replied sarcastically.

"Mal!" someone called.

I glanced up to find the daughter of the headmistress herself, Jane, skipping towards us.

"Hey, Jane," Carlos said with a smile, finding himself directly in her path.

"Hey," she smiled.

"I was wondering... uh," Carlos tensed up suddenly and I caught on to what he was trying to do.

This was why he was talking to Jay about asking girls out. We all stood around, silently waiting to see if he would do it, but he chickened out.

"... if you liked the carrot cake last night?" he finished.

"I had the pumpkin pie," she giggled, confused by the question.

"Oh, cool. Um-"

Jay dragged him away. "Smooth."

Lonnie joined the group the minute the boys were gone, so Evie quickly said, "I have an opening for a fitting at 3, who wants it?"

"Me!" Lonnie shouted before Jane could open her mouth. "Sorry."

"Perfect," Evie said, then began to take Lonnie away to speak about her dress. "I'll take you later," she assured Jane.

"Mal," Jane started again, finally getting my full attention. "I hate to keep bugging you, but the decorating committee needs more answers. So, as much as I hate to... you know, um..."

"Bug me?" I asked, repeating her words from before.

"Right."

"Yeah, Jane? I would love to I just have to get to class," I informed her.

"You know what?" she continued, stopping me. "Just nod if you like it."

She opened her tablet and put it basically underneath my nose to assure that I could see it.

"Chair swags. Entry banner. Twinkle lights-" she was flipping through pictures so fast I was getting anxiety just by watching all the decision I had to make fly past me. "-Napkin design. Table bunting. And you still haven't picked the party favors yet-

"Honestly, Jane, whatever you think-" I tried to get her off my back, but it wasn't working.

"I mean, we can do chains, key charms, pen toppers- I kinda love the pen toppers, but I mean, we can do all three-"

I could hear my breaths rising in pitch and my eyes began to flash green uncontrollably. It took a few moments for me to calm down again, every muscle in my arms tense to keep me in place. I always had an insane rush of adrenaline when I got really panicky like this. It was something I had been talking to my therapist about as part of my anger management.