The Right Side of Wrong

The Real Me

"Mal!" the reporters shouted as I ran through the dorms.

I prayed that someone was in the boys' dorm because I needed to get out of there, and fast.

Even better, the door was unlocked, making it easy for me to slip inside and lock it.

I took in a deep breath, letting my head drop against the door for a moment. That was bad. Really bad. I was stressed enough about this dumb date with Ben and now the paparazzi knew where I was, trapping me inside this room.

"Mal must be counting the days until the Royal Cotillion," the tv reported behind me. "When she will officially become a Lady of the Court."

I spun on my heel, rushing straight for the remote and fumbling to turn it off.

I dropped the remote, the edges of my vision turning a hazy green, just as they had when I spoke to Jane a few days ago. My breathing was ragged and I blinked rapidly.

"Woah," Carlos said, jumping up from his bed to get to me. "Easy girl!"

"What?" I screeched. "You think this is so easy? You don't have people taking a photo of you everytime you open your mouth!"

I didn't mean to have an outburst on Carlos, but it was getting harder and harder to control myself. There was no way I could take this for much longer.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, stepping back from me.

"I didn't mean to... Carlos," I started. It hadn't worked with Evie, but maybe Carlos would understand my frustration. "Don't you ever miss screaming at people and just making them run away from you?"

He scoffed. "You're thinking of my mother. And I was usually on the other end of that. So, not really. No."

I turned away, sitting down at his table. I was just going crazy. I had to be.

Why would I ever want to go back to the Isle? That place was dirty. It was full of awful people and awful memories. What could stand to draw me there?

And why did I still want to go despite having no reason to?

"Is everything okay, Mal?" Carlos asked, sitting beside me.

"Yes!" I cried, losing my calm again. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

I took a hard bite out of my right cheek. No one is going to take me seriously if I kept answering questions like I was close to tears.

"Sorry." I looked for excuses. "I'm just stressed for the Cotillion and all."

Carlos smiled. "Are you kidding? You shouldn't be stressed! It's your big night, after all."

I thought about my words very carefully. "Yes, but first I've got to learn how to be a proper lady, and have a fitting gown, and choose the decorations, and I feel like I don't have time for any of it."

Carlos put his hand over mine. "Mal, you can't put their expectations of you above your own. Your happiness comes before their satisfaction with you, alright?"

Those words sent a deep pang through my heart. I wanted to listen to him so bad. I wanted to forget about it all and just be the me that I used to be. The one who walked through the Isle without a care as to where I had to be or how I had to look. Because when I was there, wearing fancy dresses didn't make me the leader. It was just that look in my eye. And my mother, of course.

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "Did you bring it?"

I sighed, reaching into my purse. "Yeah, um..."

I held out the little gummy that had resulted from my work in the kitchen today.