Lime and Soda ✓

twenty-three - forgive

Wednesday dawns bright and sunny, and Astrid, who has fallen back into her previous habit of walking into our house without knocking whenever she feels like it, declares it a beach day.

'Have you seen the waves?' she says, with an unreasonable amount of enthusiasm for eight thirty in the morning as she wedges herself between Jay and I at the breakfast table and helps herself to coffee. 'We've got to go surfing today. It might be the last good beach day we get before you go home, Violet.'

At the thought of home, the city, the huge, grey, unfamiliar buildings, the suffocating atmosphere, the noise, the car exhaust, my throat constricts and I turn away to hide my face. I don't want to think about it. Whenever I do a knot of rope forms in my stomach. I want to stay here, my real home, with Bea and Jay and Astrid and even Jules, forever, the waves crashing around us day after day, night after night until we are buried under them. I want to stay by the sea until I die.

I don't say any of these morbid things to Astrid. I just shrug. 'Weren't we going to have a movie day today?' I ask Jay, though we weren't going to do anything of the sort. As petty as it sounds though, I hate sharing him. I'd much rather cocoon us both up and stay like that for a hundred years. I have no desire to see anyone else, even Astrid, anymore.

Jay shrugs too. 'Whatever you want.' That means he wants to go surfing but doesn't want to go against what I want.

'Guys, you never come out anymore,' says Astrid, folding her arms across her chest and fixing me with her best glare. 'Ever since you Jay moved in you just stay at home all day and spend time with each other.'

'That's not true,' I protest weakly, though I know it is. I know how it must look to her. I just can't help it. I feel like I'm making up for lost time with Jay, for all the summers spent here without him.

The thing about Astrid is she never backs down. 'It is and you know it,' she says. 'I feel like I've hardly seen you since Jay moved in. Please come out today. I need cheering up, you know, because Ross won't be there.' She gives me those puppy eyes and I cave in, because Ross is still a touchy subject and in the end I would do anything for Astrid.

'Fine.'

'Yes!' she punches the air and whoops, spinning me around until we're both dizzy and laughing. 'Come on, then, let's go.'

'Now?'

'Yes, now, what did you think I meant?'

I look down, gesture towards my pyjamas and slipper-clad feet.

'So get changed then!' says Astrid. She looks as if she's about to start pulling her hair out, so I don't argue further, just go upstairs and find something to wear without another word.

Bea looks surprised when we tell her we're going out. 'Oh! Good! Well. Have a nice day!' she says and practically forces us out of the front door. I know the second we're out of sight she'll have the hoover out in the spare room.

As soon as we're outside I'm glad we agreed. It's that kind of intense sunny day where you forget what clouds look like, where the sky fades from blue to pale yellow to white at the horizon, where the sea is that kind of deep blue that crushes all objections, that pulls you in against your will. As soon as I see it I want to go swimming so badly that I practically run the rest of the way.

'Who else is coming?' I ask Astrid to distract myself from the itching on my arms - now that we're so close to the sea I can almost feel it soothing my skin.

'Everyone, I think.' Everyone does not include Ross anymore. 'I texted them all and they said they're free.'

'Excellent.' I think of Sophia. This will be the first time Jay will be close to her since the letter. I wonder how strong his resolve is.