Smoke and Glory

•12•

As I open my eyes I can see instantly that I'm in the hospital, laying in a private room within a bed connected to a few wires that cause a beeping noise each and every time I basically move. What happened. And why am i here. I take a deep breathe trying to soak in my surroundings but once again I'm greeted by a subtle pain in my chest. "Yeah breathing heavily will be painful for a while" says a voice as the door opens and they enter room and I instantly recognise them "Sam?" I ask my older brother as he walks into the room and gives me a big hug, "what are you doing here?" I ask mostly speechless and shocked as i allow him to continue hugging me his warm embrace comforting and something I've really missed. "I was in Vermont on a business trip when I read the newspaper at the airport on my way back and  on the front page was a story about your collapse due to high stress levels so I thought that I should come and check on you" he says as he sits down at the end of the bed holding my hand as I try to process what's happened. "What happened?" I ask trying to add up events that have occurred recently and trying to get the ideas of what was happening. "Well I'm not exactly sure the nurse want exactly wanting to share with me what happened, I'm also assuming that it's because of your status within the police department" he says and I nod my head, I'll just ask a nurse when they come in. I'm so tired and I know that Sam can tell that but I have a desperation to know what exactly happened to me. "How long was I out?" I ask him wanting to know what has been happing in the time I was unconscious. "3 days, detective griffin found you, you were collapsed on the floor in your office. And so you look tired i tell you the rest later now go to sleep.." he says as he tucks me into the bed and hugs me once again. He then leaves the room as I fall asleep. After my sleep when I wake up again probably only a few hours later a nurse comes in who passed me a glass of water and a pill. I take the pill quickly before drinking the whole glass of water before placing it in the table that is next to the bed. "Hi excuse me what happened to me?" I ask wanting to know. But upon looking at the nurse I really recognise her but I can't tell where from but her face is so familiar but I don't know where from. "You had a breathing anomaly due to really high stress levels and it caused you to collapse and then you had a muscle spasms as a response and due to stress and I think you're previous medical experiences meant that it was a lot worse." She says nodding to the time as a kid when I had guillain barre, a rare and potentially fatal nerve disease and she passes me my medical records and I notice something really familiar about her but I can't place what as I read through the records. I don't really understand how I could have such a high stress level. And especially one that caused such a reaction in my body. I guess the older medical damage could cause something. But that doesn't explain to still. And as I look up at her again I see that I really do recognise her, it's just something about her that I cannot tell but it's so recognisable that it's bugging me. "I know that this may seem strange but do I know you?" I ask my curiosity getting the better of me, and my desire to know who she is has taken over me. "Yes you do Lucy, I'm doctor Natasha Jones, we met 2 years ago in the morgue, I worked at the morgue for a little while then left before you were appointed the chief medical examiner but we met multiple times and did some autopsy's together. I left because I wanted to help people and I just didn't feel like the morgue was the right place for me" she says her British accent shining through and I remember the few good meetings we had, including the time when we had done a autopsy on a poisoned body. "Yeah I remember you" I say and then suddenly I find myself almost crying. "I almost shot doctor grant" I say tears coming to my eyes as I look at her and she looks back at me with emotion in her eyes. "I thought" I say between sniffs "I thought that he was him, that he was the killer so I got my gun and I almost shot him." I say  and I start constantly crying as she embraces me into her same arms. "But you didn't, he's fine you will be fine but your terrified, your scared and your so anxious which makes sense but you hide it. You don't have to hide it, in fact each time you hide it, it causes your body pain, what you had was a mix of stress, pre existing medical damage but also a major panic attack." She says as I try to process what she just told me. But it doesn't really add up "A panic attack?" I reiterate confused and once again scared, the only full on panic attack I've had was with detective griffin that time and that was only because I was afraid of the killer but I've been working in a morgue for 5 years and I've seen worse deaths then this dealt with more heinous killer than this and I've never been frightened or anxious. "Yeah your body didn't process it well which caused the muscle spasm. But you'll need to take these if the feeling ever comes back" she says passing me a bottle of pills with my name printed on it followed by anti anxiety medicine and a bunch of other things about damages and ingredients. "I have to go now but if you need me don't be afraid to call also detective griffin is outside should I sent her in?" She asks and I nod my head as I try to once again process the previous events. "Yes please" I say as she walks out the door and detective griffin follows in afterwards. "Hey doc" she says as she pulls up a chair from the other dude if the room and she sits in it, "I'm not really a doctor here" I say and she laughs, "so should I call doc or doctor Snow or just Snow" she asks and this time I find myself laughing, "Why not just Lucy" I say "well then Lucy you have to call me Nola" she asks and I nod my head. "So when do you get to leave this place?" She asked and I check over the medical record once again, "anytime tomorrow if these evenings check ups go well" I say reading off the sheet as I catch Nola looking at my anti anxiety pills. "Yep apparently part of what happened to me was due to the fact I had a major panic attack" I say and she looks away from the medication briefly before returning her attention back to it. "Yeah I know what they are like I've had my fair share I'm actually on the same meds" she says and I look at her rather surprised, I wound not have expected Nola to be anxious or to have panic attacks, everytime I've seen her she's seemed so badass and never shown signs of weakness but I guess you can't never truly know someone based on their appearance and the way they behave around others. "Who's taking you home" she asks "Sam my brother said he could but he ended up having to go back to Virginia for a emergency business meeting, he's coming back on the weekend thought" I say as Nola nods his head. "Then I'll drive you home, I'm staying here tonight as commander unwind wants you under security detail at all time" she says and I nod my head, "okay then, I'm gonna let you get some rest but I'll be outside if you need me" she says as she gets up off the chair and leaves the room, Leaving me alone in the empty abyss. I move around in the bed a lot, trying to get comfortable but nothings working, and so I check the time and I discover that it's 10:30pm. And it suddenly dawns on me. I'm terrified of Being alone and while looking out the blinded window I see shadows from lights reflect into the room, and I climb out the bed and towards the door, each step I take I feel more and more tears fall down my face and I open the door. "Nola..." I say crying as she looks at me, "I'm terrified of being alone in scared of what happened and I'm scared of him of the killer" i say basically breaking down in front of nola who walks me back into the room and we sit on the bed together, she wraps her arm around me and I just cry into her shoulder. As she embraces me and I just cry, cry like there's no tomorrow just into Nola's shoulder who comforts me. No one can ever find out about this, especially not hope, she and everyone else needs to believe that me and Nola are nothing more then just friends.