Aconitum Napellus

Regret

It took Blue a few moments to process what Dust had just said. For another few moments, Blue was convinced that he had heard Dust wrong, but the words had been clear as day. In the last few moments before he spoke, Blue told himself that Dust was just messing with him. That there was no way that he could really mean that when he surely never meant it before. When he spoke, however, the only thing he could think of was how awful it was of Dust to say something like that.

"That's not funny," Blue said, tensing up.

Dust's eyes widened at Blue's response. "I... I'm not joking," he insisted.

"I said it's not funny!" Blue said, his voice cracking and eyes locking with Dust's.

"And I said," Dust started steadily, not breaking eye contact. "That I'm not joking."

Blue's mind was a mess, and it took almost everything he had to not flip out his pocket knife to mess with it. It was a coping mechanism that he found many people were not comfortable being around, especially when they didn't know or understand you. He was even more sure, however, that Dust would not be okay with it. All the same, the lack of its comforting clicks only made matters worse.

He doesn't love me.

He was supposed to apologize.

We were supposed to move on.

What does he want from me?

Is this a trick?

Is he trying to trick me?

Why would he do this?

Does he hate me?

Am I judging too soon?

I said I'd give him a second chance.

Second chance.

Second chance.

Second chance.

Taking a deep breath, Blue managed to force out the words he wanted to, "Why did you want to meet me?"

He could almost hear Dust roll his eyes, but the other's voice didn't reveal any annoyance, and was, rather, filled with seriousness. "To tell you that I want you back."

"Well, did you consider my feelings?" Blue asked, trying to tread carefully. His hands were shaking.

"Of course I did!" Dust exclaimed, leaning forward.

"What if I don't want you, then?" Blue blurted.

There was a moment of silence where neither spoke. Blue could hardly believe that he'd actually said it. Firstly, he felt a rush of relief. He'd expressed how he felt, and that's something to be proud of. Secondly, he felt embarrassment. As amazing as it is to communicate, he had not been planning on saying that out loud, and the look of shock and disappointment on Dust's face only made things worse. Lastly, Blue could feel fear wash over him. The atmosphere was becoming steadily more tense, and, more than anything else, Blue just wanted to be at home with his brother. He shouldn't have come. He shouldn't have lied to Stretch. He should have said "no", and stayed home.

Dust's voice broke him out of his spiral.

"I've changed." He sounded desperate. "I swear I have. I've been clean since rehab. I have healthy coping mechanisms now, I really do. I learned a lot about myself in therapy, and I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry, okay? I'm really, really sorry."

Blue watched, dumbfounded as Dust continued to rant on.

"I've never met anyone else like you, Blue. I really haven't. You're perfect in everyway. No one can replace you. Please," he begged, "give me another chance." Dust reached forward, clasping Blue's hand tightly.