Trapped

Chapter Eight

Blasius' point of view

It hasn't been easy for me to stay away. I'm not sure for how long I'm gonna be able to stay like this. I know that if I let him see me, my whole world is gonna change. Maybe it will get even worse for both of us or maybe we can help each other to get out of this horrible place. Even though I was told I have to stay away from him as far as possible, I can't leave him alone.

Sometimes when I try to get closer to him when he's asleep, I go numb. I'm not sure why it's like that. I watch him as he reads my diary from time to time, wondering what he thinks of it. Does he believe me? He has to. He's been seeing them too. They always tell me things about him after they talk. Sometimes I've got to force them to talk, for example Kate doesn't talk much.

I start to feel someone's eyes on me. I really don't want anyone to be here now.
I sigh. I turn around and I see Timothy, staring out the window. I thought he was looking at me?

I took a few steps closer to him as I begun to speak.

"Before you say anything, you sh-" I couldn't say the rest of what I wanted to say since I was interrupted.

"You are supposed to stay away. You are not supposed to watch him every second of the day. He doesn't allow it. It's his saying," he said calmly. All I could see was his back, but I could say he doesn't really care without seeing the look on his face.

"I know," that's all I could say. Anything else wouldn't matter, it would be ignored. As always.

"He would say otherwise. Look, I'm trying to help you, but if you won't let me..." he looked down on the floor as in disappointment.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you?" he turned round to look at me, came closer and looked me in the eyes. "Are you sorry?"

"I am sorry," I repeated quietly. "You can tell him."

"Oh, I sure will. I can't guarantee your safety, though."

"I can take that," I looked up as I was trying to look more brave, but really my heart was beating fast and my face started to go pale.

"Really," he immediately raised his eyebrows but his eyes showed no emotion. "Stay away. That's the only thing you need to do right now. You do not need to be with him. You do not need him. Trust me."

"I miss him," I said.

"What was that?" Tim quickly stepped even closer.

"Nothing."

He then left the room. I decided to follow him, I wanted to know if he was gonna tell on me. I opened the door that he just closed, and walked out of the room.

As I was going down the stairs, I heard two male voices. They are talking again. I could recognise his voice anywhere.

I smiled. Am I gonna see his face again? Gosh, I hope so. I just can't let them see me. Even better, I should wait until Timothy leaves. Then I can be with him again.

I've been standing there for a few minutes until he was gone. Finally, I thought.

I watched him pick up the diary and leave the mansion with it. Of course, I had to go with him. I observed his every step, his every move. His face when he turned around to check if someone's watching. His smile when he's leaned against a tree and started reading my diary. Why's he smiling? Isn't he giggling? He wants to giggle, right? What's so funny about what I've been through? He thinks I'm lying, doesn't he?

Sudden whispering behind me stopped me from looking at him and made me start to look for the source. I didn't see anyone and my mind started to go blank. All I really could see was black. My head started to hurt and then I remember sharp pain in my chest, as well as hitting my head on something. I don't remember a thing after then. Just nothingness.

This is what's been happening to me sometimes, I can never tell when is it gonna happen again and there's no way I can prevent it. It's his fault, he does this. All that he's ever done is torturing me.

I didn't see anything but his face. Or should I say "his non-existent face"? Would that be better? It was just darkness... and then his face in the middle of it.

I'm not entirely sure what it meant or what was happening. I couldn't think of anything, I didn't know how to stop it. I was trapped. I've spent some time in my life being trapped already, it's not gonna stop just like that. Once you're his victim, you're his victim. He's not gonna let you leave. And obviously, I'm in no way an exception.

I'm starting to understand there's no running from him, although I'm still not accepting it. He watches me everywhere I go. If he doesn't, then it's them. They watch me. I'm never truly alone. I might be lonely, but I'm never alone. He never lets me sleep and when he does, he haunts my dreams. He's a nightmare that you don't wanna have. Once you've seen him, you start to see him everywhere. If it's not actually him, then it's a hallucination, and you can't tell the difference. It might get to the point where you wake up screaming. It happened to me once, or twice. I'm not really sure anymore, since everything in the past is so blurry these days.

I slowly started to gain my consciousness. My throat was burning and when I tried to stand up, I felt right back down. I was too dizzy to do anything. My sight was blurry. I was still kind of able to see him, that's what scared me the most at the moment. He didn't go away. I thought he would, but he didn't.

I tried to stand up again, after a while. I somehow managed to keep my balance and looked straight forward. There he was, right in front of me. He was looking at me, watching me. I just knew he was. Even though he had no eyes that he was able to see with, he somehow knew what I was doing. For God's sake, he even knew what I was thinking. I started to back away, still looking right back at him.

As far as I remember, he never physically did anything to me. Sure, he made me do things, but he never touched me. I'm pretty sure I'd know if he did. If what I was told is the truth, you should feel burning sensation in the place where he touched you. I was pretty confused back then, I still am. They probably were just messing with me, after all. Isn't it weird he hasn't touched me, not even once? I've been here for so long. For me, it feels like an eternity. They've been here for much longer, just dealing with all of this. Dealing with him. They're his Proxies... or at least that's what he calls them, or they call themselves that. I'm not really sure. I remember asking one of them, I think it was Kate, 'What in the world does it mean to be a Proxy?'. I never actually got an answer. She either didn't know how to describe it, or she didn't know what it meant either.

I slowly looked up back at him, after realizing I was looking at the ground the whole time. He was standing still. He didn't move at all, not even an inch. I'm pretty sure he would be standing, without any movement, in that one place forever, if I hadn't turned around and started to go back to the mansion. I sometimes turned round just to see if he's still there, and once I couldn't see him anymore, I sighed in relief. He was gone.