Chapter 1: Crystal Visions

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I wasn't supposed to be on a plane somewhere over Taiwan fretting over early turbulence. Or breaking my sobriety to numb my terrible life decisions. 

Honestly, countless red flags were ignored in the making of this dumpster fire. 

I pushed my spine against the unforgiving arch of my chair, shifting to ease the throbbing in my upper left butt cheek. The bandage under my matte black leggings was pressing into the freshly bruised muscle, making my eye twitch. Not to be derivative, but that was going to be a pain in the ass for the next twenty-plus hours of transoceanic flights I was facing.

The plane rattled as it negotiated the rough air pockets our pilot had promised at takeoff. My nails dug into the flesh of my sweaty palms until the pain could distract from the current spate of vigorous activity.

Why do all pilots (regardless of region or airline) sound like they're on Quaaludes when addressing passengers? Perhaps they think that a supine cadence is key to lulling the cramped masses on board. As if that were enough to forget you're flying in a vacuum-sealed tube thousands of feet in the air, sandwiched in with a bunch of mouth-breathers.

The people around me appeared to have no problems forgetting. They were already engrossed in their personal devices, blissfully ignoring the occasional clatter as we climbed to cruising altitude. Someone had plastered cardboard cutouts of bunnies and chicks hatching out of painted eggs on the plastic walls of the cabin to remind us that spring was around the corner. I reached up and ripped the foot off of a goonish rabbit above my head for no reason.

I should have called my mom to let her know that I was coming home (much) earlier than expected, but I didn't. 

She'd been wary of Liam's supercilious attitude from the beginning, and I wasn't ready to hear 'The Sigh.' A universal parental moan that reeks of timeworn experience, and worse still, disappointment. Basically, she already knew that my ex-boyfriend was a double fuck-knuckle and I shouldn't have gone on this stupid trip.

The gentleman next to me, who was hogging the center armrest like he was guarding a prison meal, leaned over my lap to get an eyeful of the sun dipping below the clouds. His musky cologne could have stopped a charging rhino and I recoiled further into the back of my seat.

A bong sounded out and a woman spoke to the passengers in a cheery Taiwanese accent, but I already had my earphones in to block out ambient noise. I cranked the volume to drown out my thoughts. 

Exhaustion was making my bones feel dense and clumsy. Tucking my wavy brunette locks up behind my ear was enough to create a makeshift nest to cradle my aching head.

'You're just not her, Ella, I'm sorry.' Liam's words rang between my ears, crisp as a slap in the face.

The sensation still burned under my skin, licking up my cheeks until angry tears pricked the corners of my eyes. There wasn't a trace of apology behind his passive stare, only a cruel smirk. Never in my life had I wanted to punch someone and throw up at the same time. I just wish Liam could have told me he was in love with another woman before we'd flown halfway across the world. It would have saved me a boatload of money and possibly a shred of dignity.

The rattle of the drinks cart brought me out of my trance a while later, and I painstakingly mimed a soda and double vodka. Her dark brown eyes lingered on my face, reflecting my hot mess back at myself before the flight attendant slipped me two extra teeny bottles.

I don't drink (anymore) but the occasion seemed as good as any to make up for lost time. 

My liquid courage went down the hatch as a substitute for any actual nourishment, sterilizing the entirety of my esophagus on the way down and awakening hazy memories of mistakes I'd rather forget.

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