Queen Elsa's Struggle

Chapter 1

I'm only doing this for Anna. She believes that writing my feelings out on paper will help me to relax. But how can I?! She doesn't understand my duties as queen...Stress is pretty much in the job description. But I'm doing this anyways, only for her, only ever for my sister.

So....what's up future me? How's the kingdom? (Oh my snowflakes, why did I just write that? It's not like they're letters to myself, I'm never going to read this again)

"Note to self: never ask questions to future me"

Well that settled it. I'm sorry. I'm not very good at this 'expressing my feelings' thing. Why don't I just tell you a little bit about myself that you don't already know? Sound good? Awesome!

Well....I was born in Arendelle to my parents the King and Queen, that's a given (hint hint: my former title). I was the firstborn so that made me automatically heir to the thrown. I was also born with skin as cold as ice. My parents soon realized it was because of my strange snow and ice power. When my sister was born, they feared that she would have the same...curse as me, but she was normal, thankfully. All though, I wish that there was someone like me out there. Sometimes I feel so...alone. Anna and I became instantly best friends. I was a little bit more like the bossy one, but Anna did need some authority, in my opinion. Otherwise she'd run wild everywhere. We told each other everything and were so close!

When I hurt Anna by sticking her in the head, that was the first time I had ever cried. Most people don't know that. So you better be grateful you're reading a secret (just FYI). I was terrified Anna was going to die, and I blamed myself for everything. After that, my parents locked me up in my room to protect everyone...including myself. I willingly agreed but I was sometimes tempted to go "build a snowman" with Anna. When she came to the door and I didn't open it....it broke my heart. I cried 5 times in a day usually. The pieces of my heart I just left scattered on the floor. When my parents died, all I wanted to do was run to Anna for comfort....I still blame myself for their death even now.

I'm way more emotional than people depict me for, so I always try to put up a wall of iron between me and others. I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me. Even after Anna saved me and the kingdom after I went all "ice crazy" 2 years ago today, I still do the same thing. I have been privileged to gain a brother-in-law and a friend, Kristof, (and his strange pet, Sven) and am extremely filled with joy to be with Anna once again. But still I fear one day will burst out in anger at someone who bothers me...and then I'll blame myself for that too.

I'm sorry that my story is not that happy as a fairytale would be. Most days I feel like my life is from that of a storybook....but I have never imagined myself with a happy ending. I have way to many scars and responsibilities to have that be the result.

Still I do have a bit of hope in my heart that I won't always live so cold and maybe one day I will forgive myself...but until then I live my life free with thousands of chains still holding me down from achieving my dreams.

((This chapter was really sad but I promise you it will get better! I hope you, the reader, liked it and please comment any positive feedback you have! Thank you!!))