Out in the Wind

Chapter 32

"You can't help everybody in the world Cory, you can barely help yourself," Patrick says as I close the door behind him.

"Really? You are really going to play that card?" I ask. I can feel myself getting red in the face, my blood boiling under my skin. "I never said I wanted to save the world. I just wanted to help a person that we pass every day in the school hallways. How many of the kids that we pass in the hallways and judge have problems just like I do? I mean if it wasn't for Jaycee you still probably wouldn't have known that I was homeless."

"Come on Cory. That's not what I mean and you know it," Patrick answers falling down on his bed. "I'm just saying that you can't take every stray dog home."

"And this is the reason why I contemplated not even phoning you. Why I went to Mandy first. I didn't want to bring Andy into some rich prick's house that will just judge him for the situation he's in," I say as calmly as possible, but inside I am screaming. Why can't Patrick just see it from my point of view? Why can't he just try to help someone the way he wanted to help me as well. Gosh, if I had a place, even just one bedroom to my name for me, my mom, and my sister to sleep in I would still take Andy in on top of all of that just because I know what it feels to have a home the one moment and sleeping in a park the next moment.

"Come on Cory, you know that's not what I mean. You can come to me with everything. I just meant that you should maybe be looking after yourself first for now. Get back up on your own feet, and then you can help all the awkward stray boys you come across in the park as you want. You know I love you for doing this, but really... You can't save them all," Patrick continues, patting on his bed, showing me to sit down next to him but I can feel myself foaming at the mouth. I am scared that if I go to close to him I will punch him.

"So, let's say the roles were reversed. Say I was the one that just got thrown out onto the street, or ran away from home to get away from someone abusive. Would you have wanted Andy to just walk past me and ignore the fact that I needed help? Is that what you have wanted?" I ask, lowering my voice on purpose. I am scared that if I talk any louder I might just lose it completely.

Patrick looks at me blankly. His mouth opens and after a few seconds he closes it again and looks down at the duvet he is laying on.

"That's what I thought," I say walking closer to the bed. "I get it if you are trying to protect me, but I could have been the one in the exact same position as Andy."

I sit down on the bed and put my hand beneath Patrick's chin, lifting his face so that he is looking me square in the eyes.

"Do you know how many people sleeps in that park every single night? Do you have any idea how many homeless people... Homeless teens are out there? Sure, some of them are runaways that chose this because they didn't want to handle their parent's curfew, or who are on drugs and would rather be out there where they can score a hit whenever they want without the fear of mommy or daddy sending them off to rehab. But then there are people like me. People like Andy. The ones who didn't ask to end up there. Just kids who got screwed over by life far too early and didn't have a single resource to fall back on. But I know I can't save them all. I can't even save myself. I can't offer Andy a roof over his head forever. All I can do is ask someone like you, who has the means to help me help him. To just give him a bed for one night. To maybe make a few phone calls to someone who would be able to help him. Come on Patrick. You are the good guy here. Don't be a jackass," I speak, almost without even taking a breath.

"When did you become so wise? Last time I looked you were the naïve one," Patrick says, blinking his eyes several times trying to get rid of the tears I see welling up in his brilliant browns.

"Your eyes make me think of amber tonight. They have a yellow something in them," I say, moving my face closer to his, wanting to take in his eyes this way. To always remember it this way, sparkling and full of drops that seem to make it shine just that little bit more than usual.