Euphor

Chapter One

"Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.."

Henry Rollins, some of you may know him from movies, music, or maybe even books. For example, you know that 2015 film called "He Never Died," you know when he was battling depression - very anti social? Or from the 1980s the Rollins Band? "I'll hide behind a smile, & understanding eyes.." and that book he wrote Solipsist ahhh "be like the moon, the moon will never lie to you." Sounds cool huh? Yeah well, when I'm like seriously high all I do is read his books. Somehow someway I feel like he reaches out to me, and I don't even know this old bastard. Bridgette, 19, when I was younger my dad was a dealer, and I would get curious on why he'll come home so late and argue with Mama.

"Giovanni, you can't keep doing this! How many times I have to tell you.. Stop bringing your dirty money in here!"

"Honey, I'm doing this for you & the kids. Why aren't you proud of me?!"

"For us?! You're risking your life! Your so damn selfish you can't even see that, spare me the bullshit!"

"I would never put you & the kids in danger.."

"Oh yeah? Explain why multiple men come looking for you and I have to save your ass all the time because you owe them money! I can't keep doing this with you Gio, this isn't for us!"

And it'll get worse day by day, to a point they actually got physical..

"You know what? Get out! Just get out!"

"Dammit Seph, why do you have to be a bitch all the time?!"

"Bitch? Gio you're a sick piece of shit! You'll never learn will you? Until you do you can come back here, for now I can't stand seeing your face here.. don't even bother seeing the ki-"

*SLAP*

Yeah.. a lot of commotion going on that night me and Gloria, my sister couldn't stand hearing it. But for me, it grew on me .. I guess. I would go visit my best friend Carter and vent to her about the things I have to deal with back at home. Well let's say she introduced me into easing my anxiety and depression by placing Oxycodone in my hand. She'll say " to ease the pain, sister" - was the first time I've tried out a drug, & I felt pretty good. A month would pass, and my addiction would get worse from snorting pills, to injecting them, to stealing from hospitals, buying them off this store clerk Junior.. To marijuana. I basically just use them during every fight my parents have to avoid hearing their voices, so I would blast The Rollins Band in my room & overdose. After every overdose, it'll get worse to a point I'll stay in the hospital for weeks. That's when my parents found out, and you know what funny? They would blame each other for why I'll be in the hospital. They tried a therapist but, It'll only get worse. Then, they'll try to talk me out of doing drugs .. but I'm already in too deep I can't stop it. Returning home from the hospital, my parents are so strict I cant see Carter & Junior for drugs. They've transferred me to a new school during my sophomore year of high school, so I was pretty much living a solitary life. Nobody really liked me to be exact, & that popular red head "so perfect" bitch Scarlett loves to spark this fire with me.. I don't think they understand they're the reason I'm like this, fighting every single night and breaking everything really just stressed me out I couldn't take it. We had a family meeting one day, a week before my sister's 14th birthday.. first fight I've ever had with my parents

"Bridgette your father and I wants you to stop the foolishness you're doing with yourself."

Foolishness they would say, but I call it my happy place. It helps me stay calm & focus, but in their eyes they see a addicted lowlife they call their daughter.. I can see the pity in their eyes, they feel sorry for me & don't even have one hint of comprehension in their souls. They think taking everything away from me by force would help me stop doing drugs, but it doesn't. Of all people I thought my parents would understand me but they're just as selfish as everyone else. Things indeed got worse, I finally blacked out and had multi fights in my new transfer school- got suspended for 30 days and came back.. came back and skipped school, cutting classes just to do drugs in school with a bunch of junkies I didn't realize set me up for 2 years juvenile. I mean I didn't really gave a damn about life at the moment, it was crappy & lonely you know?Then when I returned I've been forced to take a drug test maybe like a few months after I returned. And then there goes that rehabilitation center but, that doesn't stop me from doing drugs.. It's actually a way to make me smile. My parents might kick me out soon, they saw my little sister with one of my needles I hid in the bathroom. Not to mention everyone in my school thinks im a walking zombie, hah.. speaking of school what time is it? I swear I hate first days in high school, much more worse than elementary and middle school put together because everyone in high school demands for so much it's crazy. Now that I'm a senior I pretty much observed everyone's motives, Welcome to hell.