Page 41(Don't call me crazy!)

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In public I make myself look like the perfect father. People actually believe it! Even when I'm about to strangle my own son, who I named Danny just to seem like I actually care, people still think i'm the perfect dad because Eli usually tells me to hand him Danny since he's usually crying when I get upset. I came home late one night and the first thing I saw was Eli in the living room, building a crib. I always have a belt nearby just in case I get the urge to hurt him.

  I grabbed the belt I placed on the counter next to the television and wrapped it around Eli's neck, attempting to strangle him. I waited until he looked like he was about to pass out to remove the object, Eli was coughing and ran into my room. I followed him and was holding a knife, I had the urge to see blood again. I threw him onto the floor and placed weights on his wrists so he couldn't move. Danny started to cry and I ignored him, Eli was begging me to stop simply because he didn't want Danny to have to see anything violent as his mind was developing still, he didn't want him to see anything brutal yet.

  I slapped him and yelled at him to shut up and stabbed his arm. I stood up and stared at Danny still holding the knife, his cries grew louder since he had witnessed all of it.

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