Taking the Risk

32-Reconciliation-Lukas

I'll admit, I've never been this scared in my life. This ultimate fear of rejection, of trying so hard and getting pushed back down, its scars ran deep within me.

I stared at my hand, wondering if she would take it. It took me all my willpower to keep the nerves from showing, to keep my hand from shaking in front of her. It was difficult. I hadn't realized how hard it was to hold my fear in.

A warmth struck me out of my thoughts. Before I knew it, her hand was in mine, giving it a firm shake.

"Jesse Lynn, a pleasure."

And for a moment, I was stuck in time. This feeling in my chest wound up so tight loosened immensely. The breath I was holding in let itself out in relief. It was just a mere handshake, so why did it feel like such a big deal?

Maybe because it was a symbol. A new start. A place to start over. I never wanna let go of this feeling.

Acceptance. It's warm, welcoming.

"Your jaw is hanging open Booke." A slight smirk played on her lips and she let go of my hand, my own still high in the air. I quickly put my raised my hand behind my back and chuckled nervously.

"Sorry, I just-"

"Didn't think I would do it?"

"You were reluctant."

She rolled her eyes playfully.

"So, how does this work? We push past everything that's happened, and what, go our separate ways?" I bit my lip, mood sinking a bit at her question.

"Is that what you want? To act like we never met?" I could see doubt in her expression, some sort of uncertainty. I didn't want to force her, and I wouldn't. I promised myself I'd respect her decisions.

"I-" she paused, thinking, "I've never been in this sort of situation. How about you?"

"Since you've asked..." I responded, my voice growing low, "I was hoping...we could be friends?"

The bell to the cafe's entrance rang clearly, the sound of nearby laughter in our ears. I awaited her response, trying not to get lost in the newfound smell of fresh strawberry pastries that had recently come out of the oven.

"You...you really want to be friends with me?" She asked uneasily, arms folded across her chest, not looking straight.

"I mean, yeah. I do."

"After everything I've done?"

That's right. After everything she's done, why should I trust her? Maybe I was just being naive, but there was just this gut feeling...I told myself that I was gonna trust her. Whatever she did, I was gonna help her. I was going to be her friend no matter what. Because...because—

"Yes, forgiveness is a virtue, right?"

"I just..." her voice trailed off again, "why?"

I chuckled a bit. "You ask a lot of questions."

"I'm curious. I'm only curious." Was her reply, distant, in thought. "I've never met anyone like you Booke. To be brutally honest, I don't even know much about you. In my lifetime, most of the people I've encountered have been either cruel or misleading. Or both. I'll have you know it's hard for me to trust people."

She has really been through a lot, she's shielding herself so much I can practically see her borders. 

"I can't say I really understand," I admitted shyly, "but I can if you let me."

When she was silent I went on.

"I'm quite the opposite actually, I find myself trusting people too easily. I found out the hard way the world doesn't work like that.

"Look, I don't expect you to trust me right away. That's why I was thinking we could get to know each other better, if that's okay with you. We can start with tutoring."

I heard her snicker, and I felt the tiniest bit of relief.

"You really are one of a kind. Do you know who you're talking to? About grades of all things."

"Come on, I'm serious, really." I pouted, staring her in the eye. I guess my 'puppy-dog' face worked because her expression fell soft and she turned away from me.

"Fine, I'll do it. But only if you stop making that face, it's making me uncomfortable."

I laughed, shaking my head. "You know, you're a lot different than they say."

"You think?" There was a hope in her voice, a want. I smiled at her.

"I know."

Whatever I was dragging myself into, I put it aside for a moment. A brief moment.

It only lasted a second, maybe even less, but I could've sworn the ends of her lips curved upwards. Just a little, a tad, before they dropped down again.

It was only a moment, but that feeling of accomplishment, that feeling of righteous hope, that feeling knowing you could do something...well, that made me feel a whole lot better.

Sorry I cut this chapter a bit short! I've got the PSAT tomorrow and I'm still planning out the next few chapters, but this is a CRUCIAL moment in the story. Please don't forget the handshake, or any of this in general. This has played such a huge role in my planning of this story that I want it to be as important to you readers :)

I'll see you all next week! <3 thanks for reading!