Looking to Lose (completed)

*10*

Aaron didn't come to work Monday; for that, I was glad. My mind was still reeling from all of my confusing revelations the day prior, and so far, I hadn't sorted anything out yet.

I also hadn't realized how little I had seen Roslyn in the past few weeks. After training Aaron, we had unwittingly paired up, and Ros had hung back a bit more. I think she was grateful for the break. Now she didn't have to be business owner and manager and employee all at the same time. She could go to book fares and new release parties a few hours away, without worrying the shop would be understaffed.

However, because Aaron called out, we spent the whole day together Monday, and being in the presence of such a warm, motherly soul was a welcome change from Aaron's frustratingly icy exterior. Geez, I think about him even when he isn't here. I made a note to myself to fuel up on mental ammo so that I could beat my brain into submission; she was starting to get the upper hand.

Ros and I were sipping two hot chocolates from behind the counter when, as if reading my thoughts, she suddenly said: "He's like Mr. Darcy, that boy."

"Who is?" I asked, looking around the empty shop eagerly.

"Aaron of course. Haven't you noticed?"

"Noticed that he's a complete asshole? Yes, I have," but the conviction with which I normally say those words was damped ever so slightly.

"And you're Elizabeth to a tee," she said with a laugh. "Come on, don't tell me you've failed to notice how handsome he is." She gave me a knowing smirk and I blushed. My god forsaken skin has joined the long list of organs who had turned against me, betraying me with a bright blush across my cheeks. "That's what I thought," she said upon observing my traitorous skin, taking a sip of her steaming mug.

"He's so... he's just so..."

"Alluring? Charming?" She offered as substitutes.

"Frustrating!" I finish. "He's so cold and rude and annoying and everything that is despicable about the male gender!"

"Elizabeth, I swear," she had said, shaking her head with a glimmer in her eye.

And now, Tuesday, Aaron and I are back together, carrying boxes from a delivery truck to the back room and I haven't sorted out my thoughts anymore. To add to the ever-growing mess of my mind, I can't stop thinking about what Roslyn said yesterday. Instead, I try to focus on not throwing out my back as I carrying the shipment inside.

The truck is filled with white and brown cardboard boxes. The white ones are small and study, stuffed with paperbacks, and the brown ones hold hardcovers, so they weigh a ton. Only when all the boxes are in the back room do I realize that Aaron carried all the brown ones, all the heavy ones. Did he do that so I didn't have to? I want to ask him, but if his answer is yes then I'd have to admit that maybe he did have one redeeming quality, which would mean that there was chance that Roslyn was right, and that Aaron is more similar to Mr. Darcy than I care to admit. So, I stay quiet, silently grateful that my back isn't broken in half from carrying the brown boxes.

We don't talk all day. 'Isn't that the norm?' you may ask. Well, yes and no. We are not a duo known for our enthralling conversation, that's for sure, but never has a day passed where we do not say a single word to each other. Small phrases like "can you hand me the creamer," or "I already stacked the John Green books" fill our otherwise comfortable silences. But today, the silence is anything but comfortable. I can feel it pressing down on me, making me think too much, feel too much. Needless to say, my brain is thriving in this environment, reading into it for all the wrong reasons.

The bell rings above the door and I am grateful. It's been a gloomy day, some last-minute spring showers making an appearance before summer takes the reins. Though people do love to read when it rains – just ask Ros – they don't like to leave their houses to buy a book. So, the shop has been practically abandoned all day, making the weight of silence all the heavier, all the more unbearable.