The Trained Wife [Completed]

Kabanata 15

I thought things will get better.

"She's not talking," I noticed when we visited Immaculee once again. Tuwing bibisita si Kal kay Immaculee ay lagi niya na akong sinasama. I don't know why? But it makes me feel at ease. Tatlo na ang nagbabantay sa kanya ngayon na dati ay nag-iisa lang.

She needs a strong support system right now.

"She just stopped talking," ani Kal. Pinagmasdan namin si Immaculee na sa malayo ang tingin. Big curtains of Kal's condo unit were wide open for her to watch the view outside. "I asked her doctor, she speaks to her doctor, but not to others anymore," maybe she doesn't really wanna talk to us.

It makes me sad to see her act this way. Nakakalungkot na ang dating sigla sa kanyang mukha ay unti-unti nang naglaho. If only her parents would support her rather than letting her suffer alone, things surely turned out differently. I believe it's always the parent's responsibility. I don't understand why some didn't bother to look out for their children and let them suffer. I will never understand why. Masaya nilang ginawa kaya dapat pangatawanan nila. Pero kung sapilitang ginawa, ibang usapan na iyon.

Lumapit ako kay Immaculee na ngayon ay nakaupo sa kanyang wheelchair. I held her wrist, I felt rough lines on her wrist. Cuts. She tried to end her life by... "Cerys," pagtawag sa akin ni Kal. "Let's go home." Tumayo ako at marahang tinapik ang balikat ni Immaculee. I hope she'll fight for her life instead of giving it up, may mga nakasuporta pa rin sa kanya at isa na ako roon.

Hindi mawala sa isip ko ang nalaman ko, I had no idea she'll go that far. I know she has mental issues but I didn't know she's cutting herself already. She wants to end her life badly. "Kailan pa iyon Kal?"

"I just found out recently. Her psychiatrist is the only one who can calm her down whenever she's going through something like that. I paid her to check on her everyday," kaya rin nadagdagan ang nagbabantay sa kanya.

Nilingon ko si Kal na seryosong nagmamaneho. Tingin ko ay iniisip niya rin madalas ang kalagayan ni Immaculee. Kahit ako naiisip din siya, iba-iba talaga ang nararanasan natin sa buhay. We can't just invalidate someone's feelings just because we've experienced worst. Every pain is valid.

"I think it's better if you stay by her side," I suggested. "She needs you the most at this point of her life." Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Marahan kong hinawakan ang braso niya. "Magiging okay din ang lahat." He heavily sighed at what I've said. Sandali siyang nag-isip nang tumigil ang kotse dahil sa traffic.

"Ikaw? You don't need me?" Natigilan ako at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya.

Kaya ko naman na ang sarili ko. Maraming beses ko nang kinaya ang mag-isa. Pero ngayon alam ko nang masaya pa rin sa pakiramdam na sa wakas ay may posible ka nang karamay sa buhay. Pwede na rin akong dumepende sa iba. Masarap sa pakiramdam na sa wakas ay may maaari na akong sandalan tuwing pakiramdam ko ay nanghihina na naman ako, dahil hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay malakas ako. Kaya kong maghintay hanggang sa maging maayos na ang lahat.

"Kal, I need you but she needs you more and besides I'm perfectly fine. Kahit hindi ka niya kinakausap I'm sure deep inside her she's still longing for you, you loved her," I whispered the last three words.

"I love her but not the way I loved her before," muling umandar ang kotse at tinuon ko na lang ang atensiyon sa daan. "I love her as a friend. Sana ay malinaw na iyon sa'yo. Pero kung kailangan kong paulit-ulitin araw-araw upang di mo makalimutan ay gagawin ko." Mabilis niya akong nilingon bago muling tumingin ng diretso sa daan. "I'm not good with words Cerys because I'm afraid I might fail you." Bulong niya.

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Remembering what happened yesterday feels like I've done something wrong. Did I ruined someone's life just because I came into the picture? Pinakita ko na ang totoong nararamdaman ko kay Kal at ngayong alam ko nang mas lumala pa ang kalagayan ni Immaculee, na-gui-guilty ako, dapat siguro ay nilihim ko na lang sa aking sarili hanggang sa umayos na ang lahat.