Struggle

Chapter 2.

I walk out the door. Then go into my car and I drive, all the way to his house. I walk up to the door. I have Oliver in my arms. I knock.

"Hey. " Corbyn says. I nod and whisper."Are you here alone...?" He looks to Oliver. " Yeah." I look at him with my know it all look. "Well you wanted to see Ollie? " I say. He smiles.

Then a wave of realization hits like a semi truck. I have a kid with my friend's boyfriend. She doesn't even know it.

"We need to talk. "

"About?"

I take a deep breath in and out. "Why didn't we, you tell anyone?" I say. He looks at me. We've had the same discussion about every month every month after I got out of jail.

"Because -" I cut him off by saying,  "Corbyn, they think I'm trying to put it off of something. It's getting really hard to lie. " He shakes his head a little and opens the door all the way. "Come in. " He says, taking a deep breath in.

I don't actually go into his house. Ever. Its a really nice house from the outside. He backs up into the house. It is in the inside too. " Hey Ollie Bear!" Corbyn says, that's his nickname for Oliver. I find it cute but I'd never say it out loud.

He picks him up out of my arms. " Why didn't you tell like Jack or something. You know that they don't trust me to tell who the father is they think I'm lying!" I snap fast. He's looks at me in disbelief.

Real disbelief.

"I'm in a relationship, if I told. Then it get out!"  My jaw drops. "No, it wouldn't Corbyn. Why would Jack do that?" He resorts to his number one defense mechanism. "I have to keep this a secret" I groan. Then keep going.  "  Keeping a secret for this long just makes it worse. You should of told her upfront and she might of had a better reaction then the one that she is gonna have. " He points to the couch after I'm done. A motion so I can sit.

" Keep going. " Corbyn says after I sit. " I mean, you guys were broken up. Well, spilt. So it shouldn't hit that way. Maybe she would have a better reaction? " He looks at me like I am the most insane person in the world. " Madi, you know Christina. She'll kill us!" I want to throw something across the room I'm so angry but that would be defacing of private property.

"I'm not dumb. I know that. But you guy's relationship was horrible at the moment and, it was a drunken party. She should be able to handle it. It wasn't like you were sober. " Corbyn nods like he has understanding and gives me a bit of hope, but he keeps going. "You don't know her then. Christina Marie Harris will rip our heads off and drop kick out bodies into the sun. " He says truthfully. If there was a way for her to do that she would.

"I hate keeping secrets. I hate it so much." I say. The air in this room is more strained than my muscles when I have a cramp.

"You hate everything, so I'm not going to take that as a big deal. " Corbyn snaps.

" Shut up! That's not true ok!?" I'm starting to get emotional. Tears poke at my eyes.

"I'm just telling the truth. You hate everything and everyone except for Tate, Gabbie and Ollie." He says. He doesn't snap it this time. He just talks to me regular.  Maybe a hint of pity.

"I don't Corbyn. I have a life ya know." I say. I do have a life. I'm in college. After I got out of jail I enrolled in online college.

" Yeah, ok whatever... " Corbyn says. I don't know why it makes me upset.

" Oh My God! Have you ever thought that maybe I'm trying to get my degree? Or maybe I'm trying to have a life! Maybe trying to do something? I'm trying!" I lash out.

He has Oliver in his lap and he puts up his hands in defense. Then picks up Oliver in his arms again. Oliver seems so oblivious. He rests his head against Corbyn's shoulder.  " I didn't say anything. You're freaking out. So let's go back to the original discussion. " I sigh. " I just -" I breathe. He nods. Like he wants me to get mad at him.

"You should of just been honest Corbyn. You could of been honest. " I say, shrugging.  He raises his eyebrow before calmly replying, "She would of killed me! Don't you understand Madi! I'm trying to keep my relationship!" I narrow my eyes a little.

"But you dont care about the relationship with your son? The one with your last name? " He looks surprised. yes Oliver does have his last name. It was because I wanted it, it's because it would be very strange to have him have the last name like me. I guess I might be old fashioned. "Madi, I never said that." He says. "I'm gonna tell Tate, Jack, someone!" I say. " You can't." He says, giving me the look that means, I win. All the anger inside me spews out.

"I'm tired Corbyn! So tired of this stupid argument everytime! Tired of you always winning.  I'm tired of acting like I don't know who the father is! Tired of everything! Sometimes I question why I'm even alive! My life is a train wreck. I hate it so much. " I say, breaking down into tears into my own hands.

"Don't even go that far..." Corbyn says, almost shocked.

"I want to die. I'm not joking. " I cry.

"  You have a son to live for. " He says, almost thoughtfully? He is so confusing and I want it to stop. I get up and take Oliver from him. Oliver is sound asleep and I just walk to the door.

Corbyn gets up after me. "Madi -" Corbyn starts. "No! Go away Corbyn I'm leaving! " I say opening the door. "Wait, please!" He practically begs. I glance back, even though my tear tinted eyes made everything blurry. "I don't want to talk to you. Not right now. " I say. Walking out the door. He follows me. He pleads, "Please, listen to me... " He touches my arm.

I jerk my arm away and say, "Don't touch me." Corbyn looks hurt as I buckle Ollie in his car seat. I decide to go to the mall. I need some new stuff for Ollie anyways. Anger shopping. Retail therapy is my anger management.

There I see Christina, the semi truck backs up. Rolling over me again. Almost causing me to throw up. I gag. it's always been easy to hang out with her and other people. Just don't say much. Now I have to have a conversation.

She saw me and is making her way over. "Hey Madi!" She says. Smiling brightly. "Hi, Hi Christina...." I say. Usually I am good at hiding my nervousness but today I can't. I'm too emotionally strained

"  Wanna hang out? You and your adorable little sidekick!?" I stutter out, "No, I -...." I begin. She cuts me off. "Yes come on! We can go on a shopping spree for Oliver!!?" She asks.

I shake my head and tears start falling down my face. I wipe then quickly with the back of my hand. Not before Christina sees though. "I cant..." I rush to say. " I have to study and, and yeah. " "Ok..." She practically pouts.

I shake my head. Tears stream down my face and I am crying by now. "I'm so sorry... So sorry...." I say, crying as I walk the other way. She laughs a little. "It's Ok you can't hang out, its not a big deal -" I sprint towards the mall entrance. I drive to union, I go to my main assist at an abandoned warehouse