My heart is nothing but coal
And it's fueling the fire
It's fueling the fire and they'll still call me a liar.
No, I haven't been happy in thirty-six months
But at least
I'm ready
To try.
A thousand ninety-five days
A hundred fifty-six weeks
I changed my name and my face and my personality
Down the last bottle of wine
Have your last cry
One last line on your wrist
Okay. It's time.
Mom, dad, I'm here to tell you the truth.
There's a second existence I've been hiding from you.
I know I get good grades, I love writing and art
But there's a second me there
Cowering in the dark.
They hunch their back over a phone
Identity erased
Fixated on one TV show that's taken love's place.
They live in the notifications
Live on their Twitter feed
Living among the faceless
Complete mysteries.
I mean, who else is there to care
When the parents do not?
When teachers don't pay attention
And the taunting won't stop.
Seven thousand lies
"Yessir I'm okay"
But I already knew from the beginning
That my mind was decaying.
I can be happy in the moment
Climbing rooftops with friends
But I'll lose it all in a split second
The very second I reflect.
And life just a sidewalk
And I'm walking through the dark
Ghosting through the motions
Completing actions without heart.
I'm existing without living
My life has no meaning
I feel like no one is impressed with me
I'd rather be bleeding!
If there was blood in these wounds at least people would turn heads
But I'm afraid of attention
So I'm invisible instead.
Here I am waiting
No heart and no soul
I have way more mind than body
And my spirit's just a hole.
