𝐌𝐈𝐒-𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒 / 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐂𝐔𝐓

the flashback

the flashback : the journal

oct of 2015

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donald was sixteen at the time, dating a girl named jennifer. she was nice looking, with long blonde hair, sparkly blue eyes, and a dazzling smile. she was easily the life of any party and didn't take anything too serious.

the relationship was golden– pretty but not very durable. the two were different in ways that didn't compliment each other. donald was reserved a lot of the time whereas jennifer was loud wherever she went, he was a creative thinker and she could do well with a few more brain cells.

the girl was good at acting though, she could lie damn well and knew how to get exactly what she wanted from people. donald liked her despite all of that. he was desperate for affection at the time.

things between them were as perfect as they could be. that was until she started experimenting with hard core drugs; and as a result, lost her livelihood. it started like a typical story of a druggie. but it didn't end happily. it just left massive holes in both of their chests that could never be healed.

donald wasn't shy went it came to drugs. he smoked weed religiously and had done coke a few times just because that was florida's most accessible drug after marijuana. he'd taken molly, ecstasy, and percocets all thanks to his friends. he had done psychedelics like lsd and magic mushrooms before but always got sick after taking them. for him those drugs were an experience that he liked to indulge in every once in a while.

of course jennifer was on a different level. she got into doing meth and popping benzos and mixing it all with alcohol. the girl had no problem poking needles into her skin to shoot up heroin either.

as a result, her entire personality became a variety of uppers and downers as she got addicted to prozac, fentanyl, and clozapine.

jennifer would drink promethazine all day long with the other drugs causing her to have lucid hallucinations. she loved the feeling of being doped up on every drug imaginable. it was her goal to try everything and have a great time. she wanted to be as high as possible as much as possible.

at first donald didn't notice her unusually behavior, she had always been outgoing and rowdy, it wasn't until she started sporting casts and arm slings did he realize something was wrong.

she was getting checked into multiple hospitals to get an iv full of morphine shoved in her arm and hundreds of prescription pills when she recovered. she acted like she had crippling anxiety and visited psychiatrists from miami to broward just to get bottles of xanax. the girl had gone mental.

"coolie, lets go to derek's party. i heard someone supplying coke." jennifer said in a sing-song voice, tugging on his arm. she had just taken another handful of vicodin and was starting to get ditzy. her pupils were dilated and she kept blink heavily.

he shrugged her off. "i don't wanna go." he hated going places when she was high, he was always left alone to find his own fun.

her face twisted into something unreadable. her eyes were barely open as she tried to make him pity her. "why not? we're supposed to be celebrating moving with my cousin remember?" she whined.

donald shrugged his shoulders and checked his phone. "i ain't tryna move to fuckin' kanas jen. i already told you."

"if you loved me you would move with me." she crossed her arms childishly. "so clearly you don't love me."

"don't do that shit." his voice got tight. he did love her and he wished she would stop saying he didn't. "you not even sober right now. fuck are even talkin' 'bout?"

her eyes got watery like they always did when she didn't get her way. "i just- how am i supposed to be without you? it's so far."

donald felt bad because it was far, but he knew he didn't want to go to kansas. he had never heard any rapper blow up from kansas so how would he do that. he already had connections in florida, was familiar with the music scene, and had fans. moving to kansas would ruin all his hard work. he would've been more willing if she wanted to move to texas since he had friends there, but she wanted to go kansas and that didn't work for him.

"my dream's here, jen..." he trailed off rubbing his eyelids. a headache was starting to form just from the idea of jennifer throwing another one of her infamous temper tantrums. "i can't throw all that away. it's lowkey selfish for you to even ask."

jennifer got off the bed and went to put her shoes on. "fuck it. i'm going i don't care if you come or not."

"you can't even drive, jen sit down." he reached over and pulled her arm so that she fell back onto the bed. "yo ass can barely stand up."

she started to scream. "i'm so tired of everyone telling me what i can and can't do! i could literally give a shit less about you." jennifer pushed him. "i don't even like you. i just was being nice and asking you to move with me. i literally stay around because your friends share their drugs."

donald reached over and slapped her.

he didn't mean to but at the same time he did, and he didn't feel bad for some reason. jennifer grabbed her bag and rushed to the bathroom.

"if you don't change your mind in the next ten minutes donald, i swear to god i'll kill myself!" she yelled through the door. "i'm not joking either."

donald pressed his forehead against the door. "i'm sorry, jen. i ain't mean to—"

"i don't care, i meant what i said." she huffed.

it upset donald to know that she had used him the entire time they'd been dating. he'd poured so much emotion into her and opened up to her but she didn't even care. he didn't do that for just anyone.

"jen?" he knocked quietly on the wood. "you okay?"

she didn't say anything. five minutes went by and she still didn't say anything. donald opened the door and found her body convulsing on the tiled floor.

it was like scene from a movie as he watched his girlfriend's mouth foam up. her eyes were rolling to the back of her head and she continued to shake. he was convinced it was all an act. jennifer was known for pulling stunts like this to get herself out of trouble. but this time it wouldn't work.

"stop faking, jen, shit isn't going to make me feel bad. i really don't wanna move." he stood beside her body waiting for her to sigh and get up but it never came.

her pretty features, the ones he grew to love, had withered away with the drug abuse and her skin had lost its shine, turning pale and sickly. she wasn't beautiful anymore. she was just a liar and a manipulator and look where that got her.

"you deserve to die." the words were thought and then spoken to the open air without his permission. he didn't mean that. he would never wish anything bad on her even though she'd been wrong to him

something went off in donald's head like a light switch flickering on and off and then on... and off... and on... and then off, until it didn't come back on.

he was no longer in control.

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