The Dead Fleet (Juggernaut #3)

Thirty Four

Ellie hugged her knees tightly to her chest. The cold wall behind her. The hard floor beneath her. The blackness all around.

Safe. Safe now. Safe here. In the darkness. Where no one can see me. Where no one can find me. If I don't move they'll never know I'm here. They can't hurt me if they can't find me. Best to stay here. I'm safe here.

Ellie repeated the refrain to herself over and over again. Had she been able to see, Ellie would have noticed the skin on her fingertips and arms where those same fingers gripped was white. She held herself tightly as if she were both shield and prey. Her forehead pressed on her knees. Her eyes hidden and shut tight. Her fingertips gathered up the fabric beneath them and buried themselves under any crease and fold they could, as if this was some additional layer of protection she could weave over herself, over any exposed skin.

She wore the darkness like a blanket, and wrapped it close around her.

Stay small. Harder to see.

She breathed as slowly and quietly as she could, forcing the terror back down, deep down inside where it wouldn't betray her.

Stay quiet so no one will hear.

She rolled her head slowly from side to side, slowly in case someone heard the movement. So absolute was the blackness that her eyes betrayed her. Instead of the phantom lights of ordinary darkness Ellie saw the Juggernaut.

She imagined herself in the deep dark places of that wreck. A dangerous place by any measure, but still it was home, and home was always safe. It was the unknown dangers that she should fear. But if she stayed hidden and small in the darkness, no one would ever know she was here. No one would find her.

What about Tila and Malachi?

They were friends. Friends help. Were. Past tense. They were friends in the light, but here she was alone.

No friends here. No one to help. We came together. We were separated. I was trying to rejoin them. But they're gone now. We got separated, and now I'm lost in the dark. They need me. No, I need them. I should go. They can help me. I'll be safer with them. With Tila. All I have to do is stand up. Just let go of my arms and move my legs and stand. But I'll have to move. I can't move. Best not to move. Stay here. I'm hidden here.

But I have to move. I'll be safer with them. Here someone can find me. But if I move someone might hear me, or see me. If I stay here they won't. If I move I'll be found. I don't want anyone to find me. I'm safe here. I can't move.

I'm safe in the dark. It's quiet. If I make a noise I'll disturb it and people will know and see me. And there's no one to help me.

The infinite black consumed her. She wasn't trembling anymore, or shaking. She barely breathed. Every part of her became still and silent in the dark, safe and quiet in the night that surrounded her. As she buried herself in the safety of the darkness she remembered why this was the best option she had, the only real option she had open to her.

It was very simple. She had always been safe in the dark.

Ellie was born in space, a child of the night sky. Darkness had always surrounded her. But that darkness was somehow different in nature, as if blackness could have a tint.

The darkness she remembered was not oppressive and dangerous. It was the safety of a quiet hiding place, long forgotten. But now she remembered.

She remembered when, as a little girl, she would be frightened by the scavenger gangs that roamed the Juggernaut. She was too small to fight them, and had nothing of value with which to offer them, so she hid. Behind the pipework and gratings of arterial conduits, where no light shone except the one you brought with you, she had hidden. There she was safe from danger in the dark.