Chapter 17 What's Done, Is Done

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I open my eyes to see my house where I lived when I was six, just barely old enough to remember something such a long time ago.

But as if anyone would forget the place their mom was murdered.

And as if on command memories of the day started materializing around me.

It started outside with a fairly big  house in front of me in winter, then an average guy wearing a black face mask and a puffy black jacket with some jeans walked straight through me to the front door.

He knocked, and then reached into his jacket and pulled out a .44 Magnum, stolen I'd guess, then the view changed to inside in a small entry way.

My mom looked through the little hole in the door to see who it was, and when she saw the gun she immediately told me to go hide in my room.

So I did, I went into my room and hid in the closet. But I could still here and picture everything that happened.

She opened the door and after that all heard was an ear splitting bang and my mom groaning in pain and then another bang.

A few minutes later the door closed and everything was silent, so I carefully and quietly opened the sliding door to my closet and went downstairs.

Everything was fine except a few missing items, until I got to the entry way.

I walked around the corner to see blood splattered everywhere, and my mom lay dead on the floor her cold, lifeless eyes still open.

Like I said I was six at the time so I couldn't make any calls in my mom's phone, my dad was at work and I was an only child.

So I waited and waited for what seemed like hours was in reality only a few minutes, when sirens sounded outside and there was a knock at the door.

Naturally I was hesitant to open it, but then I remembered my mom telling me that sirens mean good people coming to help in bad situations.

So I opened it, and found three police men in blue button ups and bullet proof vests.

Two scoured the house and the third stayed to check on me, well the six year old me.

The two others came back, one inspected the body and the other used my mom's phone to reach my dad.

A few minutes later my dad got back, and when he saw what happened his eyes went wide and he gasped with terror.

The next day there was a funeral and as if I didn't hate the world enough it started pouring that day so by the time I got home I was soaked.

For the next several months my dad was pretty much never at home, and a baby sitter was there instead.

Until one day I woke up and went downstairs to find my dad making waffles and pancakes with sausage patties and bacon on the side.

That day we played boardgames, had popcorn and watched Netflix, it was the best day ever.

That night, when dad was tucking me in he said, "goodbye," it was the strangest thing ever.

And then I had never seen or heard from him again, until I was sixteen, ten years later I find out my dad was dead too.

He couldn't go on living without mom, so he ended his own suffering, and sent me into a state of depression and anger, and loneliness.

I had never been so lonely, even when he was gone, at least I knew he was okay and that he was there for me if I needed him.

But now he wasn't, so I vowed that I wouldn't let anyone else die, not if I could do something about it.

Which lead me to sacrifice myself about a year later and end up in this life.

Now you may be wondering how that's still affecting me today because I seem to be fine.

Well, when I found out my dad was dead it kind of. . . . Awakened an evil part of me created by my mom's death.

I went to live this way pushing down the anger and darkness in fear that it would one day consume me.

And I still do because I have nothing to lean on when darkness saps my strength.

Until, Aitami, yes she was mean at first, but when she opened up she was kind, caring and for once in my life I felt loved.

I felt appreciated, wanted and most of all, cared for. It was the best feeling ever.

But then the fear came back, the fear of losing her too, and being able to do nothing to stop it, it felt horrible.

And I'm still afraid, afraid of what will happen when the last light to push away the shadows, fades away.

So I won't let it fade, I will keep the fire going, and I will burn with it for as long as I can, so she can help me and I can help her.

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