Chapter 2
It's really sad to think that nobody will show up to your funeral. Alaska was an amazing human, and she deserves to at least have more than me here. Funerals are suppose to celebrate life and I guess nobody really would want to celebrate Alaska's life, or mine for that matter.
Maybe it was the fact that we were on a different country and none of her family knew it, or maybe just because she was a schizophrenic and crazy teenager, but nobody was at her funeral except myself and a few dudes that were lowering her body into the grave. It was a sad sight to see and forlorn was rushing through my body.
I was unstable, yet no tears were flowing from my eyes.
"Would you like to say a few words before we lower her in?" The smaller of the two men asked me. He was wearing a blue jumpsuit and was ballancing his weight on a shovel. His face was smooth and his eyes were dark, almost black. He was probably only thirty.
I nodded and spoke to Alaska's casket. "You bought sunshine to the gloomiest parts of myself and I'll always love you, Alaska Young. I will always love you and one day we'll be together again, sunshine." My voice was soft, almost inaudible and tears began crawling down my cheeks. "I love you so, so much."
Reality finally hit me when she was being lowered into the cold ground. She was actually gone. No more snuggling and no more neck kisses. No more laughing and questioning the universe. There's no more future for us, no more chance of having a family. . . it's all over. The only thing that truly mattered in my life was gone, and there was no way of getting her back.
The house was empty without her. The rooms echoed with each step I took and it all seemed incomplete. Police tape was hung around the living room and Alaska's blood was left on the wood floor. Everything was how it has been since she left, and I didn't feel right being here.
Before I knew it I was gathering up the little things I had and was packing a bag. I couldn't be here anymore. I shouldn't be here anymore. I wouldn't be here anymore.
I had to go. The room was spinning. Alaska began to call my name. Her voice is so soft, I could listen to it for hours. I feel like i'm going to faint. Breath. In. Out. In. Out. Breath. The clock is ticking. Breath in. One. Two. Three. Counting is suppose to help with my anxiety, my panic. Four. Five. One. Two. Breath. In. Out. In. I had to go. Bad vibes were lingering here. Breath out.
I stepped out, not bothering to close the door behind me. My mind was out of control and I began to question if this life I was so called living was real or not. It didn't feel real, that's for sure. Maybe I was in a coma, or maybe I was dead. Maybe this is just a really horrendous nightmare that seemed extremely vidid. Whatever it was, I hoped I wasn't living.
Breath In.
The air outside was cool. It was windy and colored leaves were flowing around me, trapping me in their tornado. The sun was just setting and the horizon looked like a painting. Yellows, purples, blues, oranges, and pinks blended over the sky line. It almost looked too beautiful to be true in this ugly world.
Breath out.
I began to walk. I didn't know where I was going, nor did I know the area where I was. Everything was foreign to me and seeing as if my mind was in a unhealthy state, I shouldn't be out.
I stumbled into a night club and found myself sitting on one of the bar stools. The room was loud, but still my thoughts had a louder projection. Teens and adults were dancing to the shitty and meaningless music and drinking until they couldn't walk straight. After spending three years in a looney bin, there's no time to go to a bar and this would be my first time.
"What can I get ya'?" A young girl probably a little older than myself, asked. She was wearing barely any clothes and had her platinum blonde hair thrown into a high ponytail. She was snapping bubble gum, which was annoying.
"A beer," I replied, not knowing what else to get.
"Can I see your ID?" She questioned.
I shook my head. "I don't have one."
"How old are you?"
"Nineteen."
"Okay," she popped her gum and slid a beer over towards me.
"How do you know I'm not lying?"
"I don't." She twirled her hair. "But you're cute, so I'm sure you're honest."
She disappeared.
I drank my beer and continued to drink until my mind was calm. The more and more I drank, the more and more I thought about Alaska. I thought about the time when her chapped lips danced with mine and we talked for hours and hours about both meaningful and pointless things. I thought about her soft hair and her dark eyes and how all of the features of hers were perfect. I loved her. Hell, I still love her. Our love was a love that once it is lost it can never be returned.
"Can I sit here?"
I nodded my head, not bothering to check who it was.
"I'm Lily," she said, and I finally looked over to her. Her blonde hair was braided and had a few purple and blue flowers woven it and her eyes were large and blue as the ocean. She resembled Alaska, but was nowhere as beautiful.
"Luke," I replied, taking another sip of the mystery drink some girl bought me.
"What're you drinking?"
"My regrets."
"Oh," she said. "you're one of those really deep and dark people."
"My girlfriend just shot a bullet through her head." I shot back.
"My god, I heard about that! I'm sorry Liam-"
"Luke."
"Luke! Nobody should have to go through that. If you need to talk to somebody, I'm always here. I can get your mind off her if you want?" She winked.
My head began spinnig again. "I need to go."
I don't know if she called after me or if anyone said anything to me for that matter, because the room went silent. All noise stopped and I wondered if I becam deaf.
I was outside again. It was dark now. Stars floated in the sky as if they were to come plummeting down at any second. It was quiet. I could finally breath.
A taxi came and I got in.
"Where to?" The driver asked.
"The airport." I replied.
I needed to get out of this country.
I needed to go to Boston.
A/N: For all you who forgot Alaska is from bawston :)) sorry it took me a wicked long time to update i've been wicked busy lately
dont forget to comment!!!!! :)))
I changed my username do you dig?
stay young,
sam
