blue eyes

An empty wallet

"You made me so nervous during high school." He said out of the blue, he let out a small chuckle and I stopped my train of thoughts to look at him. "Before I met you, I was always so confident. I just had to look at a girl and she would go on a date with me, anyone would do anything for me at school. But then you came along with your curly brown hair and your bright green eyes and your smile that made me melt. You made me stumble over my words and made me want to give in every time you smiled or looked at me. I was so confident yet you made me feel the most insecure I had ever felt." He said and I laughed softly before nodding.

"It's funny how with you I got to be confident, I held my head higher and I started fighting back. We were polar opposites."

"You turned me down two times before going on a date with me." He said and I laughed while I looked at the forest we were passing, admiring it's beauty and peace. "You went on a date with me because you felt bad for me, you knew people had started to spread rumours and they were affecting my popularity so you decided to go on a date with me, just so I got to tell my friends I turned you down afterwards."

"I'm glad you never gave up on me." I said and I placed my hand on his cheek gently, he leaned into my touch while I let my thumb run over the soft stubble that covered his cheeks. "Do you still believe it was faith that I moved into the house next to yours?"

"I will forever believe that it was faith that allowed me to love you. You moved in next to me, you got the locker right beside mine, we had almost all classes together for two years, I took you on a date to your favourite restaurant and so many more small things. Something greater than us put us together, and I am so thankful for that something." He said before turning his head to kiss the palm of my hand. He looked back at the road and I watched him with a smile. I wanted to run my fingers through his golden hair and kiss his pretty pink lips, I wanted to tell him all the little things I loved about him and all the little things that made me smile. I wanted to tell him everything and anything but I stayed silent and watched him.

I watched the man that still believed I went on that first date because I felt pity for him. I watched the man that still believed I turned him down twice because I didn't like him the same way.

But in fact, I had fallen for him so quickly. It was in the little gestures he did and the way his eyes lit up when he talked about something I liked. The way his palms got sweaty when he had to do a presentation yet he acted like the most confident guy in class. He would joke to hide away his nerves but I could see right through it. I had fallen for him long before he asked me on a date the first time, but my conflicted brain filled with fear and insecurities told me to turn him down twice to save myself from hurting.

—

My heart was pounding in my chest while I waited for the doorbell or a knock on the door to fill the otherwise silent house. My hands were gripping onto the cushions of the couch, my knuckles almost white and my muscles hurting from the intense grip I had on it. My jacket laying beside me, my dress fitting my body perfectly and my shoes not the ones I wanted. I wanted to put on the small heels I had laying in my closet but due to the snowfall, I convinced myself not to. I looked down at the rediculous boots under my dress, the boots I wore to school every day but were not date material.

I was more nervous than I had ever been before. More nervous than the day I had to leave my friends behind, more nervous than the first day at my new school, more nervous than any other day. The wait for the sound of the knock or the bell was slowly killing me, it was overcrowding my brain and making me loose it while I was so held together just an hour ago.