Love At First Set Square

Chapter 4: Ching Chong And His Small Ding Dong

NICOLE'S POV

I watch my vagina-obsessed friend follow The Broadbent's aggressive "L" march out of the classroom in a state of total shock and confusion. I never saw her again.

For a moment I was slightly concerned about what cruel experiments and torture methods they would use to remove The Gay, but that was quickly washed away as I began to think about the true problem: who am I going to sit with now?!

I scan the classroom. There's Wenis, perhaps the saddest excuse for a boy that I'd ever met in my life. I'd rather live (Get it, because I'm suicidal) (and quirky) than sit next to him. There's the exchange student. But I don't speak ching chong ling long. And lastly, there's that weird asian boy who hasn't stopped staring at me this entire time... except for when he was looking down and whispering to himself. I wonder what he was doing?

Fuck it. I decide to take my chances. I was planning to kill myself eventually anyway, so if this goes extremely badly I'll just bring the date closer. He seems relatively timid anyway, and I like silence. It's a lot better than listening to Wenis squeak about some stupid anime with a girl with a tentacle dick and his one trip to Japan that he took ages ago. Fucking weeaboo. We'll probably just sit in silence.

He spots me approaching him.

"HeLLO mY peNis iS vERy sMall!"

I stop. Fuck this. I turn to return to my safe corner in the back but he rises and calls out to me, causing me to halt.

"Wait! I'm sorry!" He says with a depressingly pathetic look in his eyes that I almost feel bad for him. "I don't know where that came from, please don't go."

I look at the sad ching chong and consider my choices. I could sit back in my corner and get away from this complete mess of a prepubescent boy (we're 16 but he has definitely not reached puberty yet), or I could sit next to him and destroy any chance I have of having a normal morning.

"Please, I am so alone."

I walk back to his table. What the fuck am I doing? He is so pathetic, why do I feel bad for him? He grins as he watches me sit down across him. His eyes stare into mine, and a haunting smile spreads across his face. I can't look away. I am no longer here because I feel bad for him. I am here because I'm afraid. This man is going to kill me.

Come on, Nicole, break the silence. Try to ask for his name. That's what normally functioning non-depressed people do.

"Uh.... what's your name?" I ask nervously.

"ShE aSKed fOr OuR nAme DoEs thIS mEaN sEX?!?!?!" Something squeals from beneath the table. I jump in surprise and quickly look beneath the table for the source of the strange voice. The ching chong boy, however, simply looks down at his pants in horror.

"What the hell was th-"
"LIAM! MY NAME IS LIAM!" The asian chink practically barks at me. Somehow I forget about the strange voice.

"That's... cool. I'm Nicole."

Liam lets out a loud moan. I am horrified. Who is this man and who thought he was fit to be released into the world to interact with innocent civilians?

I begin to plan my escape route before I glance over at him to see him mimic Spider-Man's web shooting mechanism with his hands. Fuck. That's my weakness...