If I can't have you

Chapter 1

It had been a long day for Levi Schmitt. A collision between two lorries had resulted in a pile up on the highest and as a result series of major traumas had started heading into Grey Sloan memorial hospital and the interns had been kept on their feet. When they could finally stop, another patient would arrive and the process would start all over again.

What Levi was most concerned about was a young boy who had just arrived at the hospital. His parents car has been hit by a lorry trying to avoid the pile up. His parents had been killed instantly but the boy was still alive with multiple broken bones and lacerations. What drew Levi to this boy, however, had been how much he reminded Levi of himself when he had been that age. Quiet, nerdy. The type of person who say in the back of the class and was such overlooked.

That's how Levi found himself sitting with this boy, Lucas, for the past hour, allowing him to cry into his shoulder and grieve for the parents that he had lost at such a young age. It was at this point, one half of the hospitals ortho God duo made themselves known by sticking his head around the curtain that surrounded Lucas' bed.

' Your boyfriend planning on making an appearance anytime soon Levi? I paved him over an hour ago and the cases that need to be looked at by ortho are beginning to pile up,' Link grumbled quietly, conscious of the young boy sniffling into Levi's shoulder.

'He's still not in? I texted him over a hour ago and he said he was on his way. Are you sure you haven't just missed him in the corridor?' Levi whispered back, one hand running circles into Lucas's back while the other went to his back pocket of his head in search of his phone. Pulling it out, he flicked it on to find the selfie Nico had taken of himself and saved as Levi's lockscreen staring back at him.

'I've got nothing from him, Link. Do you think something's happened to him?'

'Right now, I really don't know kid'

'Dr Lincoln, Dr Bailey sent me. She said an ambulance is on its way in with one of ours' Helm said, looking as pale as a sheet. Levi tried to catch her eye, wanting, no needing to know who of their own was. Needing the reassurance that it wasn't Nico.

'Helm, who is it? Who's hurt?'

'Nico, sir. And they said it's not looking good.'

Levi's feet pounded the floor of the corridors as he raced from Lucas's room on the third floor down to the ambulance bay. All that he could think was 'Nico's hurt. Nico needs me'. How could he have been so stupid? He knew that Nico came across that highway. Knew that there were still cars that continued to crash into the pile up, unable to see due to early morning fog and unable to stop due to the rain that Seattle had seen last night.

The elevator was taking too long so Levi took the stairs , taking two at a time. He took a moment to consider the irony that this had been the most physical exercise he had had in a while and allowed a small smile at the thought that Nico would have been proud of him if he had been here.

When he made it to the emergency room, he discovered that Helm had timed it perfectly when taking him about Nico. An ambulance was in the bay and the body of an unconscious male with dark hair was being unloaded. Levi knew, even at the other end of the ER that this was his boyfriend and darted his way across the room to him.

He would later deny this but as soon as he saw Nico up close, he almost fainted. All he could see was blood coating Nico's face and body, his right leg twisted at such an angle that Levi had to wonder if he would ever be able to walk on that leg again. His arms were not much better, the bone of the right arm having broken the skin of the forearm.

'Levi! Jesus Christ, Nico!'

Levi could faintly heat Linc in the background, could feel him move forward to help transfer Nico from the ambulance. He started when they rolled the Burney past him and into the emergency room, throwing instructions left and right. He followed, not daring to let Nico out of his sight. That he being there was the only thing keeping Nico on this earth and by not being there, he would be more responsible than he already felt.

'Dr Schmitt? Dr Schmitt, look at me!' Levi turned his head to look blankly at the Chief of surgery. 'You are going to be no good to Dr Kim by standing here and looking like a puppy who lost their bone. Go to your locker, get changed and then go to the family room. I'll send someone up to be with you when we can spare them.'

Levi couldn't make it to the family room. He changed in the locker room not feeling anything but something that he had never felt before. Fear. Sure he has felt fear before like when he broke both his arms or when he had been forced to be the rubber in the school sports day and had feared the laughter and ridicule of his classmates. This was a different type of fear. Fear of loving and losing someone. Losing Nico when their relationship was still so new to him and knowing he had barely attached the surface of his feelings for the ortho fellow. His knees went from under him and he slid to the floor, the corner of the locker digging into his back and wept. Wept while only two floors down, his boyfriend was fighting to stay alive.