Six Feet Under

Prolouge

When I was younger I read somewhere "Do not swell in the past, do not dream for the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." I believe it was Buddha who said these words of wisdom. At the time I didn't quiet understand what the quote really meant but now I do. I was always trying to help others and make sure things were equal and right. My parents always told me I'd make a good activist for any topic. Finally after three years of an awful high school bullying experience and an intense social climb and fall from half of a senior year it was time for me to make a stand to end bullying. 

"Anna! ANNA!" I could faintly hear over the music I played through my iPod. It was in my hoodie pocket, well my brother’s hoodie. He worn it almost every day his senior year, it was from UCLA. They gave it to him as a gift for getting a full scholarship. God, I was so proud of him that day. He earned everything he got, he worked harder than anybody I know, and he was gone in an instant. He didn't deserve that part of his life at all. As I was slipping into the pills I took I could hear Stephanie yelling frantically, the faint steps I heard, the shuffling and doors opening then closing. She was looking for me; she knew what was going on once she had seen the envelope I placed in her locker Friday afternoon after school let out. It's Tuesday, we had a three day weekend but I can't remember what holiday it was for though.

Thankfully I choose my brothers room to lay down in. It was peaceful here, nothing changed at all. My mother never stepped foot in here, neither did my father so I doubt Stephanie would come looking in here for me. I was the only one who came into this room. I did from time to time just be escape the real world. I could still smell his after shave he always used even after all these years. He never left though, he just was waiting on me. When we were younger he would tell me if anything bad happened he would be the first to know and be the person to make it all better. I miss my brother so much, because not only is he not here to help with the mistakes I've made but he isn't here to tell me to snap out of it. That what I am doing is completely and utterly wrong. I couldn't help myself now though, it was too late. 

Again, I hear her. "Annabelle!" over and over and over again I didn't care, I knew she was the only real friend I've had all my life. After my brother passed she was all I had that felt like another sibling. We grew up together and she was like a sister to me and to brother as well. We got through the obstacle together. She is stronger than she thinks she is, but I think she will figure it all out some day. My eyes fluttering, I could feel the pills finally taking their last stage and my plan would be set. My body was already numb, and I became tired slowly. As my playlist is on repeat I knew I would only hear about two more songs before my time was up. After all the planning, decision making and dirt digging I was ready to meet up with my brother. 

I could still hear Stephanie; good gosh she was slow sometimes. Then it grew silent, I heard one of the boards creek and I knew which one it was. The one board in front of my brothers room, it was how my parents knew if he got in too late on a school night. "ANNA! Oh god....what....did..." and the black started coming into sight. I didn't hear anything, feel anything and I was gone. I was sucked into this warp of colors and shapes. It was like time traveling! Seeing from when I was younger meeting Stephanie, to the first day of school, my brother getting his first crush in elementary school, Stephanie’s first boyfriend, my first kiss, my parents 10 year anniversary, and all the way up until now. 

I didn't think dying would be like this though. I've seen stories online where people would tell their stories about dying then being brought back to life. They said they saw God, seen those who have died such as great great grandparents and beyond, but this is just odd. That's when I see my brother, he is in the distance. Walking slowly towards me with an upset look on his face, Staring blankly at me without one word then his eyes light up and he hugs me. "Anna, I cannot believe your here." I was going to cry...but can you even cry when your dead? 

As things cleared up we were walking near the pond down the road from our house. "I saw everything you did Anna, and I am proud of you. You've made a huge sacrifice for those who don't have the voice to say it out loud." I glance across the pond and I can see everyone I would normally see here. "Are we ghost?" he chuckles at my question. "No, we're just spirits. We can go anywhere we want, do anything we want just as we were alive. We just cannot be seen, heard or touched. It's pretty cool once you get a hang of it all." I had so many questions but I could tell by the look on his face that he did too. 

I liked this feeling I had. Deep inside, I didn't have pain anymore. "Why did you let those kids walk all over you? Well, I do know why. I've been watching over you and seeing you come up with this crazy plan but Anna..." I cut him off. "Dave, I had to do it. I didn't see a future for myself no matter what college I went to or what I ended up doing in the long run. I had to do this! It was my only option besides you were the only person I know who wouldn't stop me from this plan. Ever since you died and then I started watching and reading about all these suicides that were coming from bullying...I had to." He watches my face relax as I calm down my nerves from getting all my anger out.

"I understand but you know you now have unfinished business" I stopped and looked at him. "What are you talking about?" He looked at the ground and dug his heal into the slightly wet grass to make a little opening of mud. "I know you left behind the evidence of bullying, the letter to the president, congress and senate, the school, and everyone else. You have to finish it though." Taking it all in, I did not understand what Dave was telling me. "You’re not dead yet...."