Nargles & Neruda

The sight of a thestral

It was early still, only seven in the morning on a Saturday. The castle was deadly silent as both students and teachers dozed in their beds, lulled into a heavy sleep by the intoxicating, thickly scented air of fall. Hermione, on the other hand, had taken to rising early on Saturdays to walk outside while the grounds were still quiet. She had come to value her alone time more than ever lately and it was often hard to come by.

There was a bite in the air that whispered of autumn's arrival. Hermione pulled her scarf tighter around her neck as she set off across the grass, which was coated with chilly, wet dew.

She found her feet drawn to the edge of the forest and she meandered through the shallow trees, wandering aimlessly over the same ground and the same thoughts. Behind her, she heard the crack of a twig in the nearby grove of trees. She whipped around with her heart racing, only to see a thestral passing through the forest beside her. She breathed a sigh of relief. This was not the first time she had seen the thestrals of course. She saw them pulling her carriage on her first night back.

The sight of these animals brought a mixture of complicated emotions to her mind. One could not help but look upon a thestral without recollecting the death which had made the creature visible. An unprecedented number of students were able to see the thestrals this year, and a silence had fallen over the carriages as they each fell into their own reflections.

But Hermione wasn't only thinking about the war. The thestrals made Hermione think of the carriage ride in her fifth year. She had heard Harry and Luna discuss the animals that only they could see and she had thought them both mad. To think that there was something right in front of her that she could not see - that she had not read about- was disturbing to her. It made her fearful of everything else that she may have overlooked. That's the thing about flaws found in one's belief system. No matter how small the flaw, it awakens the possibility of other flaws. A single mistake shows fallibility. The thestrals had always reminded her of this and she contemplated not the lives of the fallen, but the knowledge that she could not find in books, but only through experience.

Hermione looked beyond the thestral in front of her to see many more of them gathered deeper in the trees. But the thestrals were not alone, among the gray scales was a shimmer of white-blonde hair and two nimble, pale hands retrieving apples from a canvas bag.

"Luna?" Hermione said approaching her.

"Oh, hello, Hermione," Luna said warmly.

"I'm not used to running into anyone else out here so early in the morning," Hermione observed, although she was not upset to have someone to bring her out of her gloomy thoughts.

"I sometimes like to come out to the thestrals before it's too warm. They prefer the cool air, you know" Luna said tossing another apple.

"Do you come to see them often?" Hermione asked.

"Oh yes. So few students know that they exist, and the few who do would rather not look at them. I suppose they don't like what the thestrals remind them of," Luna said. "But with so few companions, I think that they get a bit lonely."

Hermione tentatively stroked a thestral that approached her and it nuzzled its head against her arm. "I could never see them before this year. Not until Fred, and Lupin, and my par..." Hermione stopped herself from saying "parents." She had come to think of her parents as dead, although she knew, of course, they were not. Luna listened with an air of interest at Hermione's abrupt silence, but she did not say anything. "I can understand why people don't like to look at them," Hermione said. "How is it that you don't mind Luna? Don't they remind you of your mother?"

"Of course they do. They will always remind you of the people that you've lost and the grief that it brought you. But I don't think it's healthy to push that away and hope that it will disappear, do you?" Luna asked. " Whether you look at the thestrals or not, your grief will be there. It seems better to sit with it purposefully at times than to ignore it and let it decide when to visit."

"You have a point," Hermione said thoughtfully. A minute of silence passed as they each fed the thestrals and stroked the ones most comfortable with humans.

"Have your parents died?" Luna asked, breaking the silence.

"No. I... when I left with Harry during the war, I obliviated their memory of me and relocated them to keep them safe. They're still out there, but they have no memory of me. I know that they aren't dead, but sometimes I think of them that way." Luna listened attentively as Hermione spoke. She hadn't voiced any of this to Ron or Harry and suddenly she couldn't stop from saying it all. "I know that it sounds awful of me to say this, but sometimes I think it would be easier if they were dead. At least I would know how to handle that. There would have been a funeral, there would have been a grave to visit. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do in this situation. How do you mourn someone who's still alive?" Hermione asked as much to herself as to Luna.

"I'm so sorry Hermione. I had no idea that you were going through all of this. You must miss them terribly." Luna moved closer to Hermione and placed her hand over Hermione's own. "Can the spell not be reversed?" Luna asked.

Hermione shook her head, "I've tried." Luna tentatively put her arm around Hermione in comfort. Hermione gratefully leaned into her.

"I have an idea of something that might help you," Luna said quietly. Hermione was silently listening. "In some communities, a witch might plant a willow tree as a sort of living memorial to the loss of a loved one. It can symbolize the rejuvenation of life. And it could serve as a sort of headstone for you to visit and place offerings on as you would with a grave."

A single tear broke free from Hermione's eyes. "Luna, that's a beautiful thought thank you. I would like to do that very much."

They found a spot near to them with enough open space and Luna conjured a small sapling. They dug a space for the roots to be placed in the earth and when it was ready, Luna said, "would you like to say anything?"

"I'm not sure what to say," said Hermione honestly. Emotion was stinging at her throat, forcing her into silence. "Would you say something?"

Luna nodded and thought for a moment. "I ask the earth to protect this tree and let it grow tall. Let it receive the love for Mr. and Mrs. Granger, although they are no longer in our lives. Bring it the strength, bravery, and goodness that they brought to Hermione in their times." Through a stream of silent tears, Hermione lowered the roots into the ground and packed the earth around the base of the tree. Luna conjured a wreath of flowers and lay it at the ground before it. Hermione conjured one of her signature blue flames and set it before the wreath.

She leaned into Luna again and let her tears fall when they came.

***

Hermione,
Sorry it's been a while. The flat looks pretty good, considering that it was left up to me and Ron. But all jokes aside, I think you would approve.

The first few days of training have gone well. Everyone else is a few years older than us so I don't know anyone here besides Ron.

Honestly, I can't wait for the press to die down. It seems like there's always someone hanging around the Ministry with a camera or trying to invite us to some event. You know I don't enjoy that kind of thing, but I also know how it would look if we didn't show.

Ron seems to enjoy all the Ministry events at least, or at least the ones with free drinks. Well, you remember that from this summer. I'm sure even that perk will wear off after a while, but for now, there's nothing I can do but go. Be grateful you have some distance from it.

Hope your NEWT classes aren't working you too hard!
Harry

Hey Hermione!
Before you get mad, I'm sorry I didn't write sooner. I know I said I would as soon as we got here, but you wouldn't believe how busy they've kept us. Me and Harry are at the Ministry all day and then out every other night for some publicity thing or another. Hope you've been checking your Prophet since Harry and I always seem to make the Magical Society pages at least.

Training has been great so far, basic stuff mostly. Harry and I have a bit of an edge at this point. Seems a bit unfair to the others, really, but what can you do?

Your schedule sounds awful, by the way. I definitely don't envy you that.

I was thinking, you should try to get out here some weekend, let off a little steam. They can hardly punish you at this point, right? Think about it.

Love,
Ron