Buy Me Dinner First [Dean Winchester x Reader]

34} Guilt

Gettin real angsty up in here, I hope you guys like unsatisfying endings because this is the penultimate chapter and I've got a lot of sadness to cram in!

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You desperately want to ask Dean if he's ok, to explain to him why you have to act this way but you can't. Instead you remain silent, sitting next to Cas in the backseat of the impala until you pull into Bobby's scrapyard and you draw in a breath you'd been waiting to take.

"Why did you bring me here? I won't be guilted into staying." Your voice sounds cold and it is met with silence as everyone gets out of the car, Sam waiting by your door for you to get out. He gives you a sympathetic look and you almost crack, feeling your lower lip wobble the slightest bit before your strength returns to you and you distance yourself from everything you're trying not to feel.

That is until Abby comes sprinting out of the front door and down the gravel drive towards you. You want to let her tackle you in a bear hug. You want to tell her how much you love her and how sorry you are.

But most importantly, you want her safe.

That's why, as soon as she's in reach, your hand flies up and gently presses to her forehead and you watch her fall to the gravel.

"What the hell?" Dean shouts, rushing forwards and grabbing the wrist of your outstretched hand before twisting your arm behind your back. Sam crouches by her to check for a pulse.

"I did what I should have done a long time ago." You're surprised you can remain monotone and not let the suffocating despair creep into your voice.

It's a terrible blow to lose a family member but it's so much worse when you know it's all your fault. You'd ruined her life time and time again it seems and now it's high time you make it right, no matter how much it feels like your heart is being squeezed inside your thorax.

"I took all her memories of me, of seeing our mother die, of our father. She is unburdened." You feel Dean's grip releasing as you speak and you easily remove yourself from his hold, hating the way it feels to have him so close to you but still so far out of your reach.

"What? Why would you do that? She'd finally forgiven you!" Sam sounds exasperated and his frown consumes his features as he speaks.

"To know me is to know pain and death. She can't be put in danger if she stays away."

"But Lucifer knows she exists, he'll use her against you and she'll die." Dean argues, his gaze intense and full of pain.

You take a deep breath and have to look away before you melt.

"Our deal. He won't hurt her unless she gets in the way, same for you two and Bobby."

With another flick of your hand, her body disappears and you know she's safely in her dorm in Sacramento, she'll think she's had a quick nap and remember none of this. None of you.

You ignore any more questions and walk into the house, feeling exhausted. It doesn't help when you come face to face with Bobby who's standing in the hallway. You both stay silent as you consider your words carefully and restrain yourself from running into his arms.

"Were the wheels for decoration then?" You try so hard to sound cold but there's that rough edge to your voice that threatens tears and your eyes sting but you have to hold them in. You have to.

"How could you do it?" He growls and your heart breaks in two.

He angrily holds up a piece of paper and you recognise your writing on it.

"Not a fan of my work I take it?" You force out cold comments and try not to choke on their bitter aftertaste.

"Is that all you got? Don't you have even a shred of humanity left?"