NOT TODAY

We can't.

"Where were you guys? Happy New Year, cutes! I am so happy I have you all in my life!" Jimin stumbled while Yoongi held on to him to make sure he didn't fall.

He's such a cute drunk. But Tae is cuter. Jungkook thought.

He was scared. Scared of how Taehyung might react when they were alone. But he also could not get the thought of kissing him again out of his head. Before he knew it, he was staring at his lips and leaned in closer.

"JK!" Jin hugged him from behind, interrupting his thoughts. He blushed at the realization of what he was about to do.

"How much did you drink, kid? You look so flushed." Namjoon asked touching his cheeks.

"I am really sleepy. I think I am going to go back to my room and pass out." Tae yawned. This caused Jungkook to have a mini freak-out because the two of them shared a room. The dreaded conversation about the kiss seemed almost unavoidable now.

"Kook?" Tae shook his shoulder.

"Y-Yeah?"

"You have our key card."

He took it out of his pocket. "Oh yeah. I'll come back with you."

They walked back together to the elevator. It was deadly quiet. They would have been talking if this were any other day but now everything was just awkwardly silent. They got out of the elevator and walked up to their room. Jungkook swiped the card and both of them walked inside.

"-Listen." They both started at the same time. They both looked down at the realization that they probably wanted to discuss the same thing.

"I'm sorry about what I did down there-" Tae started.

"No stop. Even if you might have started it, I kind of went too far-" Jungkook interrupted but he couldn't continue any further. Taehyung smashed his lips against Jungkook's. It was faster and more lustful than before. Their lips moved together with more passion. Taehyung pulled off Jungkook's jacket and pushed him on the bed straddling him. They continued making out. Taehyung yanked at Jungkook's hair causing him to groan.

Jungkook pulled off Taehyung's coat and began to unbutton his shirt. Jungkook broke off their kiss and began sucking Taehyung's collarbone. He bit harshly knowing it'll leave a bruise but he didn't care. Probably not the smartest move. ­­ His moans were turning Jungkook on.

"Wait-" Taehyung pushed Jungkook's shoulders panting.

"What happened, baby?"

He looked up at Jungkook with doe-like eyes at the nickname he just called him. "We can't."

That brought Jungkook back to reality again. He slid off Taehyung's lap and sat next to him on the bed. Jungkook gently touched his lips which felt sensitive from Taehyung's lips being pressed against it roughly a few seconds ago.

He looked to my left where Taehyung was sitting, contemplating something. "I don't want things to be weird between us. I'm scared." He let out a breath that he looked like he was holding in for a long time.

"What are you scared of?" Jungkook asked, looking at Taehyung.

Jungkook knew what Taehyung was scared of. If they got together, they would have to keep it a secret. They could never be in one of those cute cringy relationships. The public won't accept it. They don't know if the others in BTS will accept it either. And even if they are okay with the relationship being a secret, if they ever broke up, things will be weird between them. It can mess up the group dynamics. That was not a risk the two of them would take. It is their greatest passion. There are too many ways in which this could go wrong. It simply was not worth it.

"Y—You know what I am afraid of. I told you the last time this happened-"

This has happened a couple of times between them. When they drink, they kind of never have control over what they are doing. The last time they kissed was Taehyung's 19th birthday.

*flashback*

It was Jungkook's first time drinking. It was at the BTS apartment. Yoongi and Jin went and got everyone booze to celebrate Taehyung's birthday. Jungkook didn't drink too much because Jin refused to let him drink beyond a glass of beer.

Taehyung, however, got shitfaced. Jungkook was the one who carried him back to their room. They shared a room in the old house. It was a small room with a queen sized bed, 2 cupboards and barely enough space for one person to walk in and out. Jungkook laid him down on one side of their bed and took off his shirt. He didn't like sleeping with a shirt on.

Jungkook turned around to hop on to the bed when he saw Taehyung awake and staring at him. "I want to kiss you."

Jungkook smiled, crawled on the bed and sat on Taehyung's lap as he laid with his back on the bed. Jungkook bent down and kissed him slowly. He really liked him. They had been secretly kissing and telling each other sweet nothings for a couple of months now. They never did anything beyond kissing. They would always just kiss, cuddle and talk. They liked it that way.

Taehyung pulled Jungkook's neck down to deepen the kiss. Jungkook opened his mouth and Taehyung slid his tongue inside. He wanted more. Jungkook started slowly grinding on Taehyung as he pulled away and placed wet open-mouth kisses on his neck.

Taehyung whined and slowly pushed me off. "We can't do this anymore."

"-Why?" Jungkook asked in a whisper, scared of what he was going to say. Does he not like Jungkook anymore? Was he just a toy?

Jungkook knew he wasn't just a toy. He watched as Taehyung began sobbing and told him how much he loved him. Jungkook understood why he said what he said. He knew that it was too unrealistic for them to have their love story running on the side if it meant that it would not just put their career at stake but also everyone else's. It was too much of a cost to bear.

Tears slipped out of Jungkook's eyes. "I love you, Tae."

Taehyung looked at him and hugged him so tight that he thought his lungs would burst. "I love you so much."