Mine To Love (manxman)

6-A Painful Goodbye

A/N: Warning guys, this is an emotional one :'(

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JEREMY

They say all good things must come to an end. I've often wondered who they were and why they were always right. I'd been with David for three years, three blissful years. He was the only one to come close to what Frankie meant to me. But he would never be Frankie and try as I might, I couldn't love him in the same way.

David tried to pretend that my dreams weren't happening. I saw it though every morning when I woke up and looked into his eyes. There was a dullness there that told me more than words could about how much he was hurting. There were mornings when we would wake up together and he would be happy, those were the mornings after a dreamless nights sleep. On those mornings we would make love and hold each other close. I would touch him and kiss him and look into those loving eyes and wonder, why not him? Why can't I love him? David was gorgeous, sexy, funny, loyal and everything that any man could wish for in a partner. I was starting to think that something was broken in me. If I couldn't love David then there had to be something wrong with me.

I was now living in an apartment on my own. Frankie often dropped by and we had a weekly poker game at his place every Thursday night with the guys. He was the only one of us with a house so he'd been elected to hold it. We each brought beer and snacks to share around while we laughed off the stresses of adult life. I loved poker night, I was currently top of the winners board.

"Are you going to Frankie's tonight?" David said Frankie's like it was a dirty word. He had his back turned to me as he pulled a T-shirt out of his drawer in my dresser.

"Yes. It's poker night." I let out a heavy breath, waiting for his inevitable tantrum. One, two...

"Huh. I don't know why you have that stupid no partners rule. Are you guys trying to hide something?" He turned and glared at me as I sat on the bed my back to the headboard.

"Baby, I don't have anything to hide from you. It's just poker, we laugh at stupid jokes and complain about our bosses. If you were there I'd never win any money because you'd distract me too much. I mean look at you, you're gorgeous and I'd never keep my eyes off you." David rolled his eyes and turned his back to me again.

"That's a pile of garbage. You are hiding things from me." He sounded so sad and his shoulders were drooping like they held a massive weight on them.

I got off the bed and walked over to him. Putting my hands on his shoulders I slowly turned him to face me. His eyes were downcast and I lifted his chin with a finger until he raised them to meet my own. "I love you." I told him in all honesty. "I haven't lied to you about anything and I haven't cheated on you." A finger placed over my lips silenced me.

David looked at his finger where it lay against my lips and then looked back at me with watery brown eyes. "You have cheated on me. You cheat almost every night in your sleep. You have lied to me. A lie of omission is still a lie. I know that you're in love him. I believe that you do love me, but you're not in love with me." A single silent tear escaped and traced a path down his soft cheek. I wanted to reach out and brush it away, but I was frozen by his words. "I love you, Jeremy. I love you too much to be part of this lie any more."

I felt my heart ache as his meaning hit me. He was breaking up with me. "David," My voice broke on his name and I felt a painful lump forming in my throat. His arms pulled me close and I buried my face in his neck, inhaling his sweet scent. I don't want to let him go, it's selfish of me to think that but I can't help the thought. I'm hurting him, I've been hurting him for three years.

"I'll always be your friend." He whispered in my ear. "I have to let you go, I have to let you find your happiness. Just promise me one thing," He pulled back to look in my eyes. "Don't let him hurt you. You deserve so much-" His voice broke on a sob and I pulled him close again, holding him as he cried out the hurt I've caused.

After an emotionally wearing talk he packed up the few things he had in my apartment and walked to the door. I caught him by the arm and pulled him back into my arms where I proceeded to kiss him with all the passion and love that I had for him. When I pulled back, we were both panting hard and his eyes were glazed over. "I wish-" He shushed me once more with a finger over my lips and I squeezed my eyes shut. I wish things were different.

"Save your wishes. They're precious things and shouldn't be used frivolously. I need some time alone, to lick my wounds and heal the hurt, but I'll call you soon." He smiled sadly once more and then he was gone.

My apartment felt so empty without him. Every place I look I have memories of David. I can see us sitting on the sofa cuddled together watching one of his Rom Coms. I can see him dancing in front of the cooker in his boxers as he makes us breakfast and sings along with the radio. I can smell his body wash and deodorant in my bathroom, and his scent lingers on his pillow as I curl around it and cry myself to sleep.

It's dark when I wake up and I'm still hugging his pillow to me. My head is throbbing and my throat feels raw from crying. I hear the sound that must have woken me, my phone is ringing on the night stand by the bed. I reach out and answer without looking at the display. "Hello?" My voice sounds terrible.

"Jer? Are you okay you sound horrible, are you sick?" I look at my watch and see that I should have been at his house forty five minutes ago.

"Sorry, I'm not going to make it tonight." I try my best to clear my throat but there's just no shifting that lump. "Um... David left-" My stupid voice breaks again and I clear my throat once more. "David left me." I blink rapidly in a fruitless effort to stem the tears.

"Oh, hell. I'm sorry, man. Do you want us to come over?" The last thing I need right now is to see Frankie. I'm feeling lower than I think I ever have and if I see him I'll crack completely. I just need time.

"No. You guys go ahead and play without me. I'll be fine, I just need to be alone right now."

"Okay. If you need us, just call. Even if it's the middle of the night." His genuine concern is almost my undoing and I hastily say goodbye. I throw the phone onto the bed and hug the pillow close again. I miss David so much already.