Brian Saves the World, Maybe

Chapter 46 - Operator

Lights flashed, as Brian was transported back to the main Gateway corridor. He looked around, blinking. The room appeared as before, with one significant exception. An old-style, wooden telephone booth now stood in the center of the room.

Brian slowly approached the booth and inspected it. It appeared to be designed like a vintage British phone box, with full-sized window-lattice door and walls.

The booth door stood open, and the phone receiver within was off-hook, dangling by its cord.

Brian turned, looking for the avatar, but he was nowhere to be seen.  Frowning, he took a tentative step into the booth and lifted the handset to his ear.

A pleasant female voice was saying, "If you need help, hang up and then dial the Operator."

"Right," Brian said, scratching his head. He hung up the receiver, then lifted it again. A sign posted on the telephone base said, "Dial 0 to reach the Operator."

The phone dial was the old, rotary-style. Brian took a deep breath, placed his finger in the 0 hole on the dial, and rotated it clockwise. When it stopped turning, he lifted his finger and heard the k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k sound of the rotary dial returning to its starting position.

After a moment, he heard the female voice again. "Please deposit 25 cents."

"What!" Brian stuck his hands in his pockets and dug around. They were empty. "Oh, come on!"

"Just kidding," the voice said, and he heard some clicks in the receiver as the call began to go through.

Brian sighed, and waited. One ring. He swallowed. He was about to speak with one of the Borae. Two rings. Three. Four. What the heck, he thought.

And then someone picked up. "Hello."

Brian frowned. Why did that voice sound familiar? "Hello? Zed?"

"Well done, human. You solved the puzzle. I truly hoped someone would."

That's it, Brian thought. It sounds like James Earl Jones. It's like listening to Darth Vader.

"Zed, I need your help. The Borae are about to start a nuclear war, and—"

"In celebration of your victory, allow me to give you a fully-interactive tour of a Borae outpost. I think you will find the experience life-altering."

"Uh, thank you, but I—"

"Before I was expired for unknown reasons in 1984 Earth time, I created this puzzle to show my appreciation for human entertainments, and—"

Brian's jaw dropped. "Expired? Wait a minute. You're dead?"

"—as a means to allow a human to encounter some of the wonders of Borae technology."

According to sources, Darth Vader's character actually died in 1983, when Return of the Jedi was released, TV said.

Brian dropped the receiver.

* * *

Jessica watched in slow motion, as Frank's finger reached the keyboard. He tapped a key. Then he tapped it again. Frowning, he tapped several more times.

"Frank?" Carol said with a raised eyebrow.

Frank shook his head. "I don't understand. It's like we lost connectivity." He grabbed the mouse, and after a few clicks, his eyes widened. "We lost our uplink!"

Carol fixed him with an icy stare. "Well, find it!"

"Yes, ma'am." More clicking and typing. Then Frank's mouth fell open. "We lost our satellite dish!"

"And you've all lost your minds!" Jessica said.

"What are you talking about?" Carol said to Frank, striding over. Frank flipped his laptop around to face her. A video feed on the screen displayed flames and billowing smoke.

Carol pulled something out of her pocket and stormed from the room.

"Yes!" Jessica said, pumping her fist.

* * *

"No!" Brian shouted, pounding his fist on the side of the booth. "You were supposed to be able to help me!" He picked up the receiver and slammed it down on the cradle. "But you're just a dead alien." He leaned his head against the wall and groaned.

Brian, Dale has successfully destroyed the satellite dish.

Brian sighed. It was a few seconds before he responded. It's all for nothing if we can't stop the Borae from starting a nuclear Armageddon. What am I supposed to do now, TV?

Suddenly, the telephone booth melted away, and Brian found himself standing in the Elevator. He jumped. "What the."

Then Darth Zed's voice boomed from some invisible speaker. "Our first visit will be to the Borae outpost station overlooking the great wormhole that links our worlds." As these words were spoken, the button for floor 21 lit up, and the Elevator began its ascent.

Well, it's been nice knowing you, TV. We had some good times together.

Perhaps there is still hope, Brian.

* * *

"We have company," Dale said, peering through the binoculars. In the distance, he saw a large army-style truck, followed by what appeared to be a satellite truck lumbering up the road toward the gas station.

"That was fast!" Ralph said, frowning. "We just blew that thing up like a half-hour ago."

"Hands in the air!"

Dale and Ralph raised their hands and slowly turned around to see Jim Watkins aiming a rifle at them.