Heart to Hart ✔️

33. September sun

"Are you sure you have everything packed and don't need a lift to the airport? We're heading that way."

"Yes, Nat. Daniel's mum's taking us. Mum and Dad are driving up next weekend with the rest of my bags so if I forget anything they can add it to that." Rosie zipped her suitcase up and lugged it over to her bedroom door. "Daniel can carry this bag down. It's so heavy."

Rosie's last day home had finally arrived. My little sister was off to university. I picked up Rosie's old tatty toy bunny off her bed and smoothed its ears down. "Are you leaving Mr Flopsie behind?"

She let out a small sigh and lifted him from my hands. "I nearly forgot about him-" she gave the toy a discreet sniff and handing him over- "Probably it's best he stays here. He can guard my room for me, or you take him. After all, I stole him from your room when we were little."

I laughed as I held him close. "I forgot about that. You cried for days because you wanted him, but he was the last brown bunny in the pile of pink ones at the fair. Mum bought you a teddy bear twice his size, but it still wasn't good enough. I thought I lost him until Mum found you asleep with the bunny, and she asked me to let you have it."

"I only wanted one the same as yours. I didn't care what he looked like. I felt it was the only way I could get close to you," she whispered as she pretended to busy herself at her dressing table.

"What do you mean?" My eyes widened at her admission. It happened such a long time ago, yet guilt washed over me as I remembered our childhood.

"You were always with Sian and Alec. When I tried to follow you around, you would all run off, so I started copying everything you did to fit in until I realised that only made you angrier. By the time I started secondary school, I was known as Natasha Wilson's baby sister, the boring sister. I envied you for fitting in with everyone, for having friends, for being so carefree." She rearranged her old perfume bottles, wiped the side down with her hand, and brushed any dust off against her jeans. She tried to hide her face, but even from this angle, I saw the flush of her cheeks.

"And I envied you for having your life so together and under control." I shook my head and returned Mr Flospie to the bed. "Funny how the only thing pushing us apart was ourselves. I'm so glad we're friends now." I turned to my sister as she faced me again and wrapped my arms around her. With this newfound hope, we could both move forward.

"Me too, Nat. I'll miss you," she said, her voice muffled by my hair.

"I'll really miss you too." I grabbed some tissues off her bedside table and wiped my nose. We were finally at a good place in our relationship and I was already saying goodbye.

Rosie clutched my hand and gave it a small squeeze for comfort. "It won't be for long. You should pop up and see what university life is all about."

"I'd like that. Come on, let's help Mum with lunch, and then we'll both head off."

Daniel's mum parked up outside our house a little after two o'clock. Dad hovered behind my sister as I clutched her tightly against me. He was still living at Uncle Mick's but didn't want to miss Rosie's last day. My mum held his hand as he struggled with his goodbyes. Their relationship was always stronger than the one I had with him, but I learnt that I could no longer hold on to that jealousy. It would only tear my sister and me apart, and that was the furthest thing from my mind. No matter how I felt about my father, I would not let it dictate my relationships with the people I was closest to.

***

Shortly after I waved my sister off, Sian and James knocked on our front door. I grabbed my rucksack and placed it in James' car.