Trochilidae

Chapter 3: Checking Up

When Beomgyu told me that he was diagnosed with cancer, my heart skipped a beat and my eyes shone with disbelief. I almost teared up, but despite my best efforts to hold back my tears, a few of them had managed to escape, slowly trickling down my cheeks. Something shattered within me that day—as if my soul had fallen apart and was ripped in two.

Beomgyu tried to comfort me, but it cannot mend the very thing that broke within me; for my heart shattered into a million pieces as I finally found out he was suffering from a disease.

I was utterly shocked to hear that he had cancer, overwhelmed with emotions, even. Apparently it runs in the family, so it was expected that he would have it soon, but unfortunately for him, it came to him a lot earlier than expected.

After we parted ways, I couldn't help but zone out during lectures and internally cry as I was unable to fathom the fact that this was happening to him. That Beomgyu—my Beomgyu—was dying.

I wanted to wake up from this nightmare, but, as cruel as it may be, this was the real world. Daydreaming was possible, but it wasn't enough to escape what was true and factual.

Like Beomgyu dying from cancer.

And no matter how much I want to run away, there is no escape from reality.

Here I was, once again standing by the doorway and leaning on the door jamb as I watched Beomgyu's parents talk to him, doing their best to smile through the pain. His mother takes hold of his hand, his father gazes at him with glimmering eyes. Once again, Beomgyu forces a smile, but this time around, it looked to be a lot weaker than ever before, like the faded glow of a dying star.

I could see the anxiety through his parents' expressions. They were holding back their tears, they were holding onto that thread of hope that he'll get well soon, I am too, but theirs seemed a lot more obvious than mine. At least, I don't think mine is as evident.

After their talk, they had to bid goodbye to their son. Though they didn't want to leave him, they had other matters to attend to. With both of his parents placing a soft kiss onto their son's forehead, they looked at him one more time before reluctantly turning around and leaving.

My eyes shift from Beomgyu to them as they approached me before heading out the door. His mother walked up to me and with a bittersweet smile, she says to me in a gentle voice: "Take care of him, alright?" She rests her hand on my shoulder, looking at me with the hope that I'd be able to assure her.

I pressed my lips and nodded. "I will, Mr. and Mrs. Choi." I knew that it wasn't enough, but it was sufficient for the time being.

Both of them smiled at me, thankfully and relievingly. Turning on their heels, with the father holding onto his wife's hand, they both left the room, leaving me and Beomgyu alone, together.

I twisted my head to look at Beomgyu, immediately haphazardly plastering a half-felt smile on my face for him. "Hi, Beomgyu."

With his head rested against the white and fluffy pillow, he smiles back at me. "Hi, Yeonjun." His voice was the same, weak and raspy, and I wasn't sure of what to make out of it.

I walked up to him and sat on the chair that was next to his bed. Taking hold of his hand and caressing it gently with my thumb, I ask, "how are you feeling?" He must've been asked this countless times, but I deemed it necessary despite its redundancy.

With the same forced smile, Beomgyu replies, "I'm okay." Not as assuring as I wanted it to be, but what else would I expect from him?

A sigh manages to escape my lips. "You always say that," I muttered in my lowest and softest voice. However, Beomgyu seemed to have caught even the slightest of doubt in my voice, seemed to have heard my comment on his reply.