Demons are Hot (bxb)

Chapter Four

Cyrus' POV

I was not excited to introduce my mom and my sister to my demonic friend. There was no way on earth that Theo was going to act normal. The best I could hope for was a miracle.

If Satan's son existed, God must as well. Hey big guy, I begged, Please help me and make this sullen teenage demon bent on world destruction actually act like a normal teen.

Theo slowed down to the speed of a normal human running as we neared my house. He'd ran as fast as a car drove on the highway and hadn't broken a sweat.

I hated him for that. I hated all athletic people.

"This is my place," I said, loosening my hold on Theo's neck. I had been wrapping my arms around him like a dedicated lover, when in actuality I was a terrified human holding on for dear life.

"It is nothing like my palace back in Hell," Theo commented. "It is far smaller and uglier. ...It suits you."

Yeah. The more I hung out with this guy, the harder it was to avoid punching him.

I grabbed my key and let us in, slightly relieved to see that my mom wasn't in the kitchen. However, my luck didn't hold too long. She called my name from the living room and I sadly led Theo to her.

Mom was relaxed on the couch with a Hallmark movie and a glass of wine. She was a curvy and short lady, with a body type she described as a tad fluffy, with beautiful brown eyes and stylishly layered hair. We were almost the spitting image of each other. She gave us a warm smile when we walked into the room.

"Mom, this is my friend, Theo," I gritted out, trying to pretend like Theo wasn't glaring angrily at the nativity scene we had set up over our fireplace.

My mom brightened. "Nice to meet you! Cy doesn't usually bring home new friends. Can I get you anything?"

"Yes," Theo said steadily. "Do you happen to have blood of the innocent in your...ice box? I saw an ice box in the first room."

I sputtered and my mom blinked. "Ah ha, funny joke!" I squealed. Theo gave me a confused look. "He's a funny guy, haha. He's an emo, mom, no worries, it's the way they are."

Theo wrinkled his nose. "I do not know what an emo is. I am Lucifer's son, the antichrist."

"See what I mean!" My voice was strained and my smile was too wide. "He's a joker, this one! Let's go to my room, Thee."

"Stop calling me that, human," Theo grumbled. His attention reverted back to our nativity scene. "That is an extremely inaccurate representation. Those three men were sent by my father to murder the son of God, but they were slain by—"

"Okay, off we go!"

I grabbed him and pulled him as fast as a human could pull a satanic demon with super strength.

"Dude!" I growled, tugging Theo into the kitchen. "First, way to have absolutely no chill whatsoever." Theo looked blank. "Second! This is a fridge. Do you not have those in hell?"

"We drink directly from the murdered body." 

I tried not to vomit. "Also, don't mention being the freaking antichrist to my mother! We're Catholic!"

Theo rolled his eyes. "You are a very tedious and demanding human."

I grabbed his wrist and dragged him upstairs. "You're a super disobedient pet demon."

"I am your future deity!" Theo protested. "I will have you bowing to my statues, and throwing offerings of money and food at my temples, and—"

Nina came out of the bathroom in a robe and her hair in a towel. She rolled her eyes at me. "Your friends are always so weird."

"Get a life, Nina!"

Theo stared at her quizzically. "Is she not breathing?"

I pulled Theo into my room and shut the door. "Sorry about my sister, she's fourteen, which basically means that she's evil."

"I'm evil, not your sister."

I facepalmed and collapsed onto my bed next to my orange and white tabby, Mr. Whiskers. "You can consider that the last joke attempt I'll ever make with you."

When Theo didn't answer, I looked back at him. His eyes were trained on Mr. Whiskers, eyes so dark that they could pass as black. ...Actually, he was a demon, who was I kidding? His eye color was definitely black.

Theo nodded. "I am hungry," he declared, eyes trained on my cat still. "The hellbeast will do."

He reached for my cat and I grabbed Mr. Whiskers as fast as humanly possible. "What on earth are you talking about?!"

Theo rolled his eyes. "I would like to feast on blood. It gives me the nutrients my growing body needs. The hellbeast will do."

I did not need any more reminders about Theo's incredible growing body, especially after he'd cradled me to his very broad and strong chest for two minutes. I cleared my throat. "Look, I don't know where you come from—"

"Hell."

"—Right, well, I don't know how things are in Hell. But in this world, this is a cat." I held Mr. Whiskers out for Theo to inspect. "See? Cute and fluffy, tiny little paws. Perfectly innocent."

Theo gave me judgmental side-eye. "That is the national beast of Hell. It will want to serve me. Watch; I'll order it to kill itself to feed me and its heart will willingly stop on the spot."

"No!" I screeched, turning around and shooing Mr. Whiskers out of my room. "Are you a psychopath?! Do not eat my cat. If you eat my cat, I will kill you."

Theo sighed sadly. "I need to eat."

"Do you eat anything besides the blood of the innocent?" I snapped. "Because if the answer to that is no, I'm kicking you out of my house."

Theo rubbed a hand up his muscular arm absent-mindedly, bringing my attention to his elaborate tattoos. I wanted to ask him about them, but I held back until I got the news about eating the blood of the innocent.

"I can eat any food, I suppose," Theo said. His tone was irrefutably bummed out. "But I prefer innocent blood. It is my favorite food."

"Well, congrats, you're going on a diet!" I announced, clapping my hands to get him excited. "Why don't we get some food from my mom's...what's it called? Do you remember?"

Theo wrinkled his nose. "Fridge?"

"Yes! Ten points to Gryffindor...ugh, never mind," I amended at his blank look. "That's the last joke, officially."

Theo nodded, looking slightly relieved. "Thank Father. Your jokes are horrible." I threw a pillow at him, hoping to hit him in the face, but he caught it like the big giant no-fun demon he was. "Your human physical abilities are very bad."

I shrugged. "Trust me, mine are worse than other humans'."

Theo approached me carefully and then he ran his fingers down my arm. I shivered and leaned in a little, shocked and not in a bad way. Theo looked me up and down, then nodded. "Yes. I can see why."

This time my pillow made contact.