Broken Hearted

Chapter Nineteen

Emily's Pov

It's been three months since the day Luke stormed out of my room. Three months since we had the last talked.

One thing I never expected to happen again was falling back into depression.

Once again, I have started shutting people out. Why? Because only about two months ago I found out that my mom died in a car crash.

I cried for weeks, and the only person who I knew could comfort me was ignoring me.

I have been shutting Alex out after she had tried to help me. She was supportive for the first few weeks, but when things started getting worse, she stopped.

Every time I catch her looking at me, she gives me a sympathetic look. She would sometimes ask me if I was okay, but I never answered because I wasn't.

I have been wearing sweaters and jerseys almost a month now, hiding all the new scars I had made.

It just hurts. The feeling that I have nobody anymore. The feeling of loneliness.

Somehow it feels like I've been sucked into a big black hole.

I feel emotionless. Every time a new cut was made on my arm, the pain got less and less until all I could feel was numbness. Every time I see my razor in the bathroom, it taunts me, almost like its calling out for me. I've been so drawn to it that sometimes the feeling is impossible to let go. Both my wrists are covered in scars. I never go past my wrists because I'm always afraid that if I maybe take my jacket off my bracelets wouldn't be enough to cover them.

College life has been hard on me. I've failed three of my classes because I can't concentrate on them. My mind would always drift off to memories. All the good ones and all the bad ones.

Some of my teachers had suggested that I go see a therapist, but that would never happen. I don't want to talk about my problems with other people. I don't even want other people to know what's going on.

I have been doing pretty well with hiding my feeling from everyone. I don't even know when the last time I smiled was.

I don't even know when the last time I cried was. Sad.

My life has once again taken the wrong turn, and I think with the way things are going, that my life wouldn't be able to turn back.

Somehow it seems like everyone is leaving me.

First, my dad. Then Luke. And then my mom.

It's like my life isn't meant to have a happy ending. I feel like I'm destined to fail in life.

Nobody is there to help me get back up after I have fallen.

Sometimes I feel like just ending it all. Stopping all the suffering. The pain. The heartbreak. The loneliness. I wish to end all of it. To be free. To be with my mom again.

Yes, I have tried to take my own life. Once. But something was pulling me away. It wasn't an accident like when I took those pills.

No, this was all my doing.

I could still remember the little girl's face when she saw me standing by the cliff with tears running down my cheeks, ready to decide to end it all. I could still remember that sweet young smile she had on her face.

How I wished I could be as carefree as I was when I was still a little girl. How whatever you did, life always seemed high. No worries. No heartbreaks. Being a kid was practically the best time of my entire life.

I could still remember those days I spent with my mom and dad. Those days we had picnics together. Those days we would all cuddle up on the couch and watch Disney Movies.

But ever since my dad left, my life turned upside down. I always blamed myself for my dad going, and I still think that it was my fault.

My mom would have been so happy if my dad hadn't left.

I could still remember those days when I always wished I was never born. That my dad would've stayed with my mom and not leave her the way he did.

I had never felt more unwanted in my entire life when I watched my dad walk out of our house. Out of our life.

But I guess that's how my life will always be. Everyone closest to me will always leave me.

Feeling unwanted has become apart of me...