"I don't belong, I see my past everywhere. don't stand too close to me, eternal PTSD."
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AMIR.
LOVE. I heard it's what's suppose to make us feel whole and alive. If that's true, I don't understand why I feel as though it is suffocating me. As I laid my head in Hue's lap, I didn't feel like myself and I usually felt so at peace around him.
"What's wrong?" He asked without looking at her. The energy she's been giving him for the last few days were nothing like her. "You walked in the crib, didn't say nun' to me. What's up?"
She didn't respond. She closed her eyes and pretended that she didn't hear him. She didn't want to deal with life at the moment. She wanted to be free of all the things that kept her up at night. She still has a lot of things that's breaking her heart. A lot of things that she'll never talk about. She'll never tell Hue how she really felt that night he jumped in front of bullets for her. She hated him for it. And it was so selfish of her but she was waiting on something like that to happen to her for years and he took the bullets instead, trapping her in her misery some more.
"I'm not gon' ask you again." He told her while finally looking up from his phone to look at her.
"I'm just thinking about Juni. And you..."
Hue sighed and placed his phone on her bed. "You know I don't regret taking them bullets for you? And I doubt Juni regrets it either."
"I'm like a black sheep. My brother is six feet in the ground because of me. Because of my mouth—"
"Don't do that shit. All those niggas at that store picked with you first. You don't ever have to lay down to shit nun' of these fuck niggas say. Juni would slap the shit out of you if he was here right now." And he was right.
Juni and Amir were nothing short of blood. He was her only close friend until she met Hue. It was always them. Everyone knew that Juni was down to ride about Amir and it was always vice versa. Even though they had absolutely nothing, Juni made her feel like she had absolutely everything. Nothing could ever fill the void that he left in her life. It's been almost six years, and seeing her brother die at 16 was still the worst thing that ever happened to her.
Hue allowed Amir to cry. He allowed her to feel. Even though he gave her the space, he sometimes wished that she would just talk to him. She's been holding so much in since childhood.
"If I ever catch them, it'll be a blood bath. I put that on my mama's grave." Amir said. And she was serious. She'd dedicate her life to finding his killers if she had to. Hue didn't respond to her. He stood up and reached his hand out for her.
