Belief in Miracles (completed)

Chapter 26: Sebastian

26 Sebastian

I didn't know how long I'd spent praying. All I knew was that, by the time I got in the shower, the water was cold, and when I got out and got dressed, it was dark outside. It had taken me a long time to reign myself in. I hadn't lost myself to lust like that in years, if ever, and the fact that it happened with Summer... I was more than a little ashamed.

She was gone when I emerged into the living room, and Tom was in my kitchen, leaning against the counter, eating my Moose Tracks ice cream right out of the carton. Without acknowledging him, my eyes found the note on the bar counter, and I frowned when I picked it up. Summer was gone. She'd left without saying a word to me, and considering the note, it was because she thought I was mad at her. More likely, she was mad at me for being such a selfish, invasive, horny pig.

I fisted the note in one hand as I scraped the other over my face. Tom looked up at me with his mouth full of ice cream. "She thinks you're mad at her." He said around the half-frozen sludge.

"So, I gathered." I let the paper ball drop to the counter and grabbed my shoes from behind the door, carried them with me to the couch. "How long have you been here?"

He shrugged as he lidded the ice cream carton and put it back. "Half hour, give or take. I came after I dropped her off."

"Was she mad?"

"Was she mad? No, not at all. Rather, she was more afraid that you were going to want to break up with her."

I let out a frustrated breath, frustration aimed directly at myself, and stooped to tie my shoes. "I'm not going to."

"I know that." He rounded the counter and sat in the chair beside me. "She told me what happened. So... you wanna talk about it?"

"It was just a moment of weakness, and a horrible lapse in judgement."

"I could have told you that." He countered. "I want to know what you're feeling right now."

"Like I'm an idiot." I said without pause. "And a jerk, and a pig, and a—"

"Okay." He interrupted. "Don't put yourself down."

Blowing out hard, I glanced at Eustace, still sitting unused on the floor beside me, and tried to calculate how long I'd gone without it. My lungs were a little tight, but they weren't starving. They were just like they'd always been when I carried my emergency oxygen. Tom seemed to notice me staring at it, because he leaned onto his knees and looked as well.

"How long have you been without?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. I took it off when we were..." I swallowed hard and looked away to finish tying my shoe.

"It's been a while, then."

"I'm fine."

"You should reconnect."

"I'm fine, Tom." I insisted, and looked up to see worry in his eyes. "Really. I'm feeling okay."

He pursed his lips, but didn't respond until I stood, then he stood with me, and watched me as I grabbed my coat from behind the door and shrugged into it before shouldering my backpack.

"Can you give me a ride?"

"Where are you going?"

"I need to see Summer."

"Don't you think calling her would be a better course of action? It's after nine."

I glanced over his shoulder at the microwave time and shook my head. "No. I owe her an apology that will never be acceptable over the phone."