My Better Half (Sequel to My Cup of Tea)

Chapter Six

It had been a week since the party––a week since Simon had told Baz that he wanted to be friends.

He didn't really want to be friends, but it seemed like the only way he could keep Baz in his life.

And, fuck, he needed Baz back in his life.

It was rainy and cold so Simon was in his flat, just peering out the window. He didn't have any class but Penny had classes and a study group, so she'd be gone all day. He'd already done his homework and watched three hours of telly, but he was restless. This wasn't the kind of day he could spend cooped up inside (which was inconvenient with the weather). Instead, he felt his body on edge. He was practically twitching with pent up energy that he needed to release. But, he also felt terribly lonely.

On days like this, he'd bring himself to leave the flat for a few hours by himself just to walk around or go a cafe. Just for a change of venue. Most times, he felt perfectly fine on his own, but not today. He wasn't worried that he was going to hurt himself or something, but he could feel that darkness creeping in like a fog. He didn't want it, not today. So he got dressed and brushed his teeth and tried to figure out what he could do to help himself get rid of some of this energy. He looked through his contacts like seeing names on his screen might reveal some friend he'd forgotten about. He supposed that he could have tried some of his old friends from sixth form, but it seemed like it would just be awkward. But then he came across Baz's contact and...well.

We did say we'd try friends, he reminded himself. 

He tapped on the contact and pressed the "call" button. If Baz wasn't available, at least Simon would be able to hear his voice (even if it was just a rejection).

Baz picked up on the third ring, just when Simon was about to give up hope.

"Hello?"

Simon sighed in relief. "Hi."

"Are you okay?"

"I--yeah. I mean, I'm feeling a bit..."

"A bit what, Snow?" 

Simon tugged on his hair and plopped down on the sofa, stretching his body over the ruddy fabric. "Suffocated. I dunno. I feel like I'm going crazy."

"Okay," Baz said, tentatively. "Why are you telling me this?"

"We're friends, yeah?"

"I suppose." 

"Well then, as my friend, could you help me?" 

"What do you need me to do?" 

Simon couldn't help but smile at that. In fact, he was beaming, like a right idiot, on the sofa. Sometimes, when he had a particularly bad day, he had trouble believing that people (Penny) actually cared (she did. Always.) And, as much as he loved her, she was terrible at helping him. She was good at helping him with panic attacks and whatnot, but when it came to this sort of thing––this energy that set him on edge––she had no idea what to do. 

"Just go for a walk, Simon. I've got studying to do. We can go out for dinner later, if you want."

He never wanted to go out for dinner, especially later, whenever that was. When he got like this, he didn't really know what he wanted or what he needed, and Penny's dismissal of his feelings made him feel like a prick. He knew that she cared, but it was always hard for her to express that sometimes, especially when he was practically buzzing underneath his skin.

But Baz, who he hadn't really spoken to in a year, was there on the other line. He was asking what Simon needed him to do. Asking, in Baz-speak, how can I make you feel better?

"I just need to get out of here. Out of my flat."

"Where's Bunce?"

"Out. School and studying." 

Baz was quiet for a moment. He was probably trying to figure out what to say. Simon was half-sure that he'd dismiss it, too. That he'd tell Simon to bugger off. 

"Do you...do you want me to come meet you somewhere? Do you want company or––"

"Yes," Simon sighed. "If...if it's not too much of a bother. I just...I can't be alone right now." 

That seemed to get Baz's attention, but he wasn't sure why. "I see. I can meet you at that cafe in about fifteen minutes. I'm leaving right now, okay?"

Simon beamed to himself. "Thank you. Just––thanks."

There was a shuffling noise in the background. "Of course. Are you going to be okay until then or do you need me to stay on the phone?"

"I'll be fine. I should get ready, any way. I'll see you there in ten minutes. Thanks. Really."

He hung up the phone and went into his room to change (even though he was already dressed) because he didn't want to look like a slob. He didn't want Baz to think that he was completely helpless and gross. He changed into a pale blue sweater that Ebb had gotten for him last Christmas. He hadn't worn it yet (he'd been in the thick of his depression at the time she'd given it to him and he didn't feel like he deserved something so nice). He had to take the tag off before he slid it over his head, but it fit perfectly. He messed with his curls for a moment (he really needed a haircut) before deciding that there was really nothing he could do to fix them. He changed into a pair of dark grey jeans because he was sure that Baz would make some comment about the blue-on-blue if he kept his current ones on, then slipped on his red Converses. 

Thank the fucking lord for Baz, he smiled to himself as he grabbed his keys, mobile, and wallet. Thank Christ he picked up, he thought as he locked the door behind himself. 

He bounded down the steps to the bottom floor, taking them two at a time. He'd be a bit early, but it was fine. He could order the coffees while he waited. He still knew what Baz liked (which made him feel terribly pathetic) so he could surprise him when he got there. It'd be a nice gesture. The free coffee. Maybe it'd make Baz happy.