your eyes ~ RUEL FAN FIC ~

Alira's POV

*this chapter deals with suicidal thoughts. If you or a loved one is struggling please call kids helpline or lifeline*

When I get back to the house, I don't stop to say hi to Coco, Sylvie or Rocky, who have just arrived. I go straight upstairs to Ruel's room, waiting for him to arrive.

It takes a few minutes for him to troop in. He closes the door and sits down on a chair across from me, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm leaving." I whisper. "I want to go back to the country. The city isn't for me."

He looks up and I think he's about to protest but to my surprise he just nods. "I knew you'd say that." He murmurs. "I knew it from the day you arrived, no offend but you don't fit in. You're a country girl. I want the best for you and I wouldn't be saying this if I really didn't think it."

The realisation of what would happen if I moved back hits me so suddenly it knocks the breath out of me. The awkwardness of turning back now looms.

"I don't know what I want to do." I say. "I'm so lost, nothing goes right, I'm trapped, I just want it to end..."

He hugs me so tight it hurts, as if willing me to hold on. 

"Alira." He whispers in my ear. "It's going to be ok."

My heart drops. Everyone says that. But is it ever really?

Christmas Day is quiet and warm. Food lays on every table and we sit around the pool. There's not much talking and everyone seems in low spirits. Coco tries to keep Rocky entertained and maintains a happy, bubbly spirit for him.

At 5pm, whole the sun is setting, I say I'm going to bed. Any exclamations of 'it's so early' are lost in understanding.

I go upstairs to Ruel's bedroom where a mattress has been set up for me to sleep. I close the door, curtains, lie down and hold my breath. Then I let it go and burst into tears. 

My head is heavy and it hurts so bad.

My mind strays where it never has before, where it shouldn't have to. Is the roof high enough to jump from?

I'm halfway to the window, to open the curtains and see how high I am, when the door slams open.

"Alira, get your stuff, we have to leave." Says Ruel loudly.

"What?!" I ask, bewildered.

"There's a fire, we're being evacuated. Come quickly."

I run downstairs after him, snatch up my purse from the kitchen bench and run outside to the car, where Kate, Ralph, Sylvie and Rocky are sitting.

Almost as soon as I get to the car, I try to breathe in and a mouthful of smoke makes me choke. I open the car door and hop in as quickly as I can.

"There was no smoke, like ten minutes ago." I splutter, horrified.

"The dusk concealed it, and we couldn't smell it from beside the pool because of all the trees and stuff." Says a concerned Sylvie. "Wheres Ruel and Coco?"

"They're coming." I whisper.

Ruel runs out of the house, shirt pulled up over his mouth and nose, carrying a backpack. Coco follows seconds later with a suitcase. They jump into the overcrowded car.

"Drive, drive, drive." Mutters Coco, looking at her phone. "Drive towards the city, but don't go east because there's more out there. Stick to the coast."

Ralph starts the car and rockets down the driveway. I put my arm around Rocky who looks slightly terrified, but also strangely excited.

After ten minutes of driving straight towards the thick glowing smoke, we catch sight of flames to our left, roaring towards us. A burst of speed and the smoke seems to be getting thinner.

"Are we past the fires?" Rocky asks.

"No, there's lots of little patches and sections." Replies Sylvie.

Ralph pulls to a stop next to a fire engine that's flagged us down. We're in one of the bad patches again, right next to a sweltering patch of flames.

"Our engines broken, the smoke has ruined it, can we get a lift, please, please?" Begs one of the firemen.

"The car's full." Says Kate.

"We'll get in the boot." Replies Ruel. "Alira and I, we can hop in the boot and they can get in."

"That's dangerous." Says Sylvie. "You could suffocate."

"No, we can open the vents on the side."

"If you're sure." Says Ralph. "Be quick, hurry up."

My mind clouded with the smoke, i grab Ruel's hand and we hop out and run to the boot. 

The car is a Hilux with a canopy, so the covered tray provides lots of space for us. We climb in as quickly as possible and slam it shut.

"You've got your phone?" I ask Ruel. 

"Yep."

"Text Coco and tell her we're in and they can drive."

"Ok."

I open the small vent, which, after a puff of dust, lets in a rush of filtered air.

The car starts driving again, and speeds up quick. I Lean against Ruel's shoulder in shock.

"What's even happening?" I mutter.

"I don't know either. It was Christmas and then it was just... fire. Everywhere."

In confirmation, we both look up out the back windscreen to see orange glow all around, radiating heat.

"Where are we even going to go!?" I ask.

"I don't know. We might drive North, then we'll probably fly to our family's in Melbourne."

"Oh my, oh my god, this can't be real, we can't do this-"

"It's going to be ok." He locks eye contact. "Trust me."

It seems like we're driving through hell. Never ending. Cars jammed up either side of us. Fire engines desperately racing between us to get somewhere. We stop, and Coco texts Ruel to say the two firemen are getting out to join a new crew. But we both stay in the boot.

His phone dings and there's a text from someone I don't know. I lean over his shoulder to read it.

hey mate,

I hate to have to tell you this but your house has just burnt down. we did everything we could but it just didn't work. I'm so sorry. Tell mum and dad I send them love and prayers.

Then another message.

I hope you don't mind but we took some food before we left. The crews all travel with next to nothing. Will pay you back next time we see you.

"Why would we mind?" Mutters Ruel. "It would all be gone anyway if they hadn't taken it."

I don't really know what to say. I can feel him trembling against my arm and try to give him as much privacy as I can by not looking at him.

A text comes from Coco. 

We heard the news

And nothing more. They know then. I feel very detached from the whole thing. Of course I'm sad about it but can I really understand how they feel losing a home? No.

Bit like losing a mum really. You don't know what it feels like till it happens.