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It was hard to believe Taehyung when he said he was trying his best.
Like the empty pill bottles, glass bottles of beer decorated Taehyung's room. The members watched when Taehyung would swallow his sleeping pills with the last of his beer before tossing the glass aside and frustratedly waiting for the pills to take effect. It was hard to believe Taehyung when the pills became ineffective and the dosage went up.
Eventually, the pills stopped working, and in it's place, he'd drink until he was numb, letting his body shut down.
He wasn't trying, but lying about it was easier than hearing them try to cheer him up. To get him to move on. He was stuck in the past, his heart unable to move.
Tonight, Taehyung found himself in front of her house. He was stuck, unable to even lift his hand and knock on her door, but he didn't have to because the door opened on it's own. She stepped out from behind it, makeup smeared around her eyes, lipstick tinting her swollen lips and an almost empty bottle of vodka in her hand.
"Hi," That simple word, and the half smile she offers him gave him the tiniest bit of faith. It was his ruin.
Afraid of scaring her away, he slowly moved closer to her. "Hi," he breathes and she can smell the alcohol, but it's enough of an excuse to give into him.
'It's just the vodka,' she thinks when she falls into his arms.
The kiss was rough and hungry. He moans shamelessly from relief when her kisses match his intensity. She was drunk, numbed by the vodka when Taehyung pushes her against the wall, attacking her neck.
Taehyung, he was feeling it all. He was lucid from the way his heart raced when she moaned his name before grabbing his hand and leading him into the bedroom.
*
"It was the vodka, Taehyung," she pulled her shirt over her head, covering her naked body before pulling her hair into a ponytail.
Her words stung like venom and like gasoline fueling to the fire burning inside him.
"How much longer will that continue to be your excuse?" Taehyung barked before pulling his pants up. The metal of his belt buckle clinched as he paced to her, holding her arms in his tight grip that she winced in pain.
"Huh?" He begged, searching her eyes for an answer that he knew would never come. He wished for her to soften and stare at him like she once had when they were in love. The warmth from her eyes was gone, replaced with ice, but never cold enough for him to forget the way they once lit up for him. "Kali, stop lying to yourself. Come back to me." He whispered when his anger had simmered down. He could never be angry at her.
Taehyung didn't believe her when she said she was trying. She was trying to love him again, to move on from the past and accept him, but the only way she'd be able to move on was without him.
"I can't, Taehyung," her voice was almost a whisper. In the space that should be filled with love for him, there was a void, a reminder of what she had lost. Of what they had lost.
Taehyung didn't need to beg with words because his eyes did all the work for him. Tears flooded his round eyes hooded underneath heavy eyelids.
She still loves him, but she refuses to be apart of his life because he's a haunting reminder of what they could have had and she's haunted plenty.
