I'm your friend

Read Me.

Hey, I'm writing you this letter cause I wanted you to know a few things. One, your my best friend and none of what I'm about to do is because of you, and two, since you're my best friend I'm gonna trust you with my deepest secrets. Before I start, if you are reading this I've decide to end my own life, the catalyst for this incorporates several different things. But my main reason is, I want control, I want to control how, and when I die, it takes the suspense off.  Like I said in the beginning I'm gonna divulge something secrets to you cause I trust you. This letter might run on a little long so I want you to be prepared for it. First of all I was, and currently am sick, not physically, but very much so mentally. I was told at one point in my life this information. Although I never seen myself as such, sitting here now I can see how a person might have drawn such a conclusion. They said I wasn't normal, that I needed help. And believe me, I've tried to seek help, to feel normal, if there was ever such a thing for me. This world and it's doctors, it's therapists, this putrid system in which we live and so called "thrive" is only out for itself. All in all they gave me drugs that only temporarily put my foremost thoughts to back of my mind. But the thoughts, they still were there, lurking, hiding, writhing, clawing, in my brain, and for a moment, I couldn't hear them. But they were there friend, they were very much there. So in knowing this I drew my own conclusion, perhaps, just maybe I am sick. Second my dearest friend I adored you very much, so very much so that, I decided to befriend you, and only you, and be there for you in anyway that I could. Rumors started, each more impossible than the last, "she must be obsessed", is where I drew the line, OBSESSED!, I could never, or at least I thought. Maybe it was because you noticed me, no one ever acknowledged me before you, and it made me feel something, a connection, you turned your attention my way for that brief, but intense moment, and I knew then that you were special, you were different. Just writing this has given me slight euphoria, divulging my inner most thoughts to you, something I've always wanted to do, thoughts that kept me awake at night, thoughts made me angry, or sad, thoughts that made me tremble inside, all about you. I always wanted you to know, there wasn't a moment where I didn't, but I couldn't, cause see then I would've been alive to face you after, and depending on your expression I would've been crushed, broken, defeated, on the other hand, I could've been uplifted into the gates of my dreams, but reality is often dissatisfying. Do you want to know? Do you want to know the truth? The truth is, yes I caught these flustering emotions for you, emotions that made me do things, do I regret them? No because it was all for you, for us, if I felt anything threaten what we had, I made sure it wouldn't. But we can get to that later, right now all that matters, is that you are finally gonna know my true feelings, I will explain everything in this, short story of a letter. PS. The weight of my own death, and demise is getting to be too much to bare, i wish that I could withstand it, so that I may see your face again, but I am weak, forgive me.