I'm your friend

Feelings.......who needs em

Ya know, I was reading online and, there's only so much the human heart can take, I'm pretty sure I'm well beyond the limit so I guess I'm super human. Yay me, the super human, with super depression, that's makes them numb to the world, sounds great right? I know, it is sooo me. Amazing really, that a 17 year old can, withstand such a crushing weight of pain truly remarkable. Oh friend do you remember the first day we met I was walking through the halls (of hell aka school) being myself my unnoticeable self when you spoke to me. I believe you said, "hi it's my first day and I'm kinda lost can you help me" at first I thought there's no way you're talking to me. And on the other side of the coin I wanted to completely cave into myself because I knew you were talking to me, so.... yea. And I remember vividly just standing there staring at you like an idiot like a complete idiot. If you want me to be completely honest...... I froze.... I didn't know what to do with human interaction, I was a social virgin, let's be honest, I was what I was. But eventually I forced words to project from my food canal, and asked if you were actually talking to me. You agreed that you were and it was right then and there I knew... you were new, had to be, cause to everyone who's been here, I'm nothing but something to stare at. Looking at this situation selfishly, I decided to show you around instead of taking you directly to class, cause I wanted a friend, and I wanted to show you who I was, before you became tainted by the poison that flows through this world, and only attacks me, it seems. You complemented my many tattoos, which honestly made me blush a little, because I didn't think you payed attention to me since I hadn't said much but, here's this, and there's that.YOU'RE BLOWING THIS!!! I hear those exact words crash in my head like a gong, I was saying nothing, I mean I was shy ya know, I've never opened up to anyone. You complemented my outfit, in the midst of my thought rambling. Side note: my outfit wasn't really special, I wore what I always wore, some sort of torn jeans, a sweater, flannel tied around my waist( I have like a thousand, various colors, that are exclusively for my hips), sneakers, and my lucky beanie, with the worn out holes in it. So nothing flashy, I thought so at least. But I managed to mutter my thanks, and then I got pissed off. My dumbass still wasn't speaking, so I made a deal with myself if we speak now we tag later. Yes I bribed myself with graffiti, sue me. I finally spoke and asked where you were from. Not gonna lie, I know it was corny, but if I hadn't would we have been friends? Didn't think so, so shut up and let me tell the story, shit, you're an asshole, that's why I love you, not love love, well yes I do love love you , but that's not what I meant in that sentence. Your lips caught my eyes first, so full, and voluptuous, almost seducing. And your eyes made me feel relaxed, now that I had actually made real contact with them. We walked and talked for all of first period that day. For the first time in my life I felt like a normal person, I laughed, like genuine laughter, at something other than a movie, or video, and I talked to someone. I didn't know how long it would last, and I didn't even think about, in that moment, the only thing that existed was us. I hadn't realized it then but in that moment I started to slowly become attached to you, I was falling and didn't even know it yet. I'm a romantic and I'm utterly hopeless, UGH  hopeless romantics are the reason I wanted a movie life anyway, and it sucks cause I am one. We parted ways after realizing we spent all of first period wandering the halls, areas, and courtyards. Music, my first love, I loved to sing. My aunt told me I had an angelic voice, I blew her off because, since when do you care about my talents and or life? Haha I mean I'm not wrong am I someone who's never paid any attention to you, suddenly heard your voice, and now gives notice, nah, I'm good, keep on moving. I skipped class a lot, so after you left I sat on the rooftop. I would also take my sweater off and sun bathe in my tank top. As laid there, music in my ears, I could feel the rays of sun bathe against my smooth chestnut skin. What? Don't be fooled, just because the world didn't give a shit about me, doesn't mean I didn't take care of myself. Ya know looking back, I guess in a way I had some since of self love, and was just blind to it. Unable to identify it, I just assumed humans naturally had an instinct of  self care, ya know bathing, brushing your teeth, eating right, the basics, I didn't see it as love, but I guess that's somewhat love right? Ugh, friend, why is life so complicated? You made everything so simple, I wished I was you at times. I envied you, and the same time, craved you, not in that way, but just your presence. Don't get me wrong you little tamale, you were hot, but I didn't crave you like that. Oh   god, wait I just thought of something, what if aliens were pretending to be humans, and that's why the world is so fucked up because they are taking our resources to slowly kill us. Just a thought, carry on.

PS. My favorite restaurant closed down two days ago, and I've been on a rampage ever since, like who do they think they are closing down the best burgers in town. LA has a lot of great burger joints, but, Fat Tony's, was the best. Self owned, small, but great food. It had the best fat burger ever, cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, mustard and ketchup, and to top it all of the thickest, most juiciest, most savory, burger, in between a sesame seed bun,  and it was called THE FATFATHER.  MY GOD!!!!I'm pissed now, because they're closed, count your days government, I'm sure it's their fault so, COUNT YOUR DAYS GOVERNMENT! I'm sad now, I've made myself sad just talking about it, way  to go Clem, you done gone and made yourself depressed, sigh, I'm gonna go see if I can drown my sorrows in a gallon of cookies and cream, brb.