Are You Sh!tting Me (Modern Cliches, #3)

The Arrangement

In which I make an even bigger mistake than my first one. Letting a vampire stay with me on a temporary basis. It's my own damn fault, I'm a sucker for blond hair and blue eyes and apparently bloodsucker. Who knew Jake could clean up nice?

I know, I'm fucked.

~~~

I paced in my living room as I wrung my hands together. So there was a vampire using my shower and he was singing fucking some sort of song. I didn't know but I was all sorts of fucking confused by it. Weren't vampires all dark and brooding, wearing black lace and black velvet as they threw their angst everywhere? They were the epitome of goth and emo, that was literally all their style. Yet Jake was singing a happy go lucky song in the shower, apologized, and fucking smiled. It seemed wrong.

Vampires didn't do that.

Not that I even understood what vampires could or couldn't do. All that was going on was fucking beyond me. There was a vampire in my apartment. An honest to god vampire and I didn't have a fucking clue what to do with that information. What was the process someone went through after they were introduced to the supernatural world. Well introduction was a very nice term, thrown into without warning was a better descriptor for what was happening to me at the moment.

It was three thirty in the morning and I didn't know how to deal with life right now, let alone a fucking vampire. I had to work at six am, I had to go to work after dealing with whatever it was that I was dealing with right now. How could I go out and deal with the public with a fucking vampire in my apartment? I continued to pace, wondering what the fuck I was going to do. What did anyone do in this situation? Was there a therapy group one could go to after getting bitch slapped by the existence of the supernatural? I doubted it. I would be thrown into a mental hospital the minute the words escaped my mouth.

The shower shut off and my heart lurched in my chest. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. What was I supposed to say to Jake? How did one start a conversation with a vampire?

Hey there, what blood type is the best tasting?

What's up, Jake? So when you go out into sunlight do you slowly burn or immediately burst into flames?

So can you get drunk if you drink from a drunk person?

I doubted any of those things were appropriate to ask in a regular type of conversation. That being said, would this type of conversation even be considered regular? I doubted it but now my brain wasn't going to shut up about it. I groaned heavily and rubbed at my face as I continued to pace.

The bathroom door opened and I turned on my heels, pressing my heels into my eyes hard enough that colours rapidly bloomed. "Thanks for letting me shower. That was wicked cool of you, Sammi. Especially cause I fucked with your life a bit." He sounded to peppy and happy. How the fuck did that work with the whole vampire thing? A vampire was supposed to brood dammit!

"Listen, Jake." I pulled my hands away from my eyes and turned to where I knew he was standing and my eyes went wide and my mouth went dry as I blinked.

Holy...

Fucking...

Shit...

He ran his hand through his sandy blond hair as he grinned at me and my heart damn near skipped a beat. "Don't worry! I'll fix everything I might have broken. I might prefer the surf and the beach but I am still good with my hands." He wiggled his fingers in my direction and I felt my cheeks heat up as I scanned his form. He was slightly skinny but holy fucking shit did Jake clean up well. He had a towel wrapped around his hips and he was pale but holy shit he still had muscles and I covered my mouth with my fingers.