'just breathing

'fantasy

How could this happen to me?
Or was it just in my fantasy?
I'm feeling so lost
Don't know what to do
I'm alive but barely breathing
I'm faded

I thought everything was going to be okay
I haven't felt the feeling to do this to myself for a very long time
But right now
I can't get through the day without it

After almost 3 years
Still nobody knows my secret
They don't have a clue
How I feel about myself
I'm just wondering when this all will end

I'm not 24/7 sad
I'm sad when I'm alone
Alone in the darkness
Because then everything is dark
Like my mind

But in the datk the thought overwhelmed me
I can't control it anymore
I'm thinking about things that I shouldn't be thinking about

I'm feeling alone
Even though there are people around me
I feel unwanted
I feel less
I feel like everyone is better than me
And I know it's true
But I just want to smile for real
And feeling happy

Sometimes I don't understand why
Becaude I have a family who loves me
And a good home
I have a best friend
I'm not getting bullied
I'm getting good grades
If you compare me to others, I do not have a really bad life
And I know that
But I still feel like this

When I'm out of the house
A feeling of worthless sorrows me
I compare every girl with myself
I hate myself so much
And I hate it when beautiful people call themselves ugly and fat and more
Because they don't know how badly I want to be beautiful and skinny

";"

02-02-2016
9:31 AM