Ferrari (Completed)

Exhaust: 1

It's here!!!!!

I hope you're all as excited/nervous as I am because let me tell you... it's been a long time coming. THE FINAL BOOK!!!

Please let me know what you all think!!!!

I love you ❤️❤️

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Twenty-two years.

It took me twenty-two years to even begin getting my shit together.

And even now, I have a long way to go—a long, long way.

I'm not just talking about the usual 'figuring out what to do with my life'. Everyone goes through that. Deciding on a career path is the absolute worst, but it's something everyone has to deal with.

What I'm talking about is the unbearable feeling of dread that's been weighing me down since I started high school.

Whether it's been anxiety, depression, heartbreak, or my general unhappiness, there's always been something inside of me that hurts.

And high school doesn't teach you how to cope with that; neither does college. There are no classes on managing stress or dealing with grief, or how not to cry every time you're faced with an uncomfortable situation. Nobody tells us how to balance our problems with our responsibilities.

We're meant to rely on the outside world to teach us that—to guide us through adolescence and teach us to become functional adults despite our baggage. We're meant to figure it out on our own, but some are better at it than others.

But truthfully, nobody really knows what the fuck they're doing. Even if they act like they do... they're just pretending. Everyone is figuring it out as they do, silently hoping for the best.

But I hate that shit. It's such bullshit when people tell you to 'do what you think is best'. How the fuck do I know what's best with all my instincts tell me to run the fuck away? Actually, that's even worse—when people tell you to 'follow your instincts'. What the fuck does that even mean? What the fuck even are my instincts? And now the fuck can I trust them when all they tell me is to self-destruct?

"Is this a good color?" Ari pouts her lips, showing off the orange color she just applied.

"Yeah," I nod. "It's a little brighter than your usual shade, but I like it."

"I just bought it at Sephora, but I think I prefer my old one."

"Me too, I think. But this is cool too."

She usually wears this dark, rust shade, but the one she's wearing now is closer to the color of a pumpkin. It looks good on her, though. Bright colors suit her.

"Are you going for your usual?" she asks.

"Yep," I grab the black tube out of my makeup bag, using the mirror of my eyeshadow palette to apply it.

I first used this shade when I was 17. I wore it to my ex-boyfriend's house party. I didn't use it much after that. At least, not until I moved to LA. This is my third tube since, and it's coming to an end.

It's not as exciting or colorful as Ari's shades, but it's perfect for me. It's a mauve-y brown shade with a hint of purple. It's a matte formula, so I top it off with a thin layer of lipgloss. I hate dry lips. They make me feel so thirsty.

Just as I get up to grab a drink from the bar, the seatbelt sign flicks on. I instantly sit back down, pulling the seatbelt around my body. It must be time to land. I begin packing up my things, shoving them back into my open suitcase on the floor.