LGBTQ+ Stuff/My Coming Out Journey

So I guess I'm out to my family?

Hey guys, I recently came out (not by choice) to my family.  I wanted to post what happened, but instead of aimless rambling, I'm going to try and put it more like a narrative of sorts.  Also, for your information, I recently realized that I am a lesbian, since I find only guys asthetically and platonically attractive, but don't feel comfortable with the idea of being with one, where I feel excited/happy/comfortable at the prospect of spending my life with a woman.  Anyways, on with the story!

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I was at home, getting ready to tackle that good old AP US History textbook assignment over the weekend, and when I walked out of my room, my mom stopped me and said that she "wanted to talk" and took me into the backyard.  I kind of figured she was going to question me at some point since I had mentioned having a panic attack earlier in the week.  We sat down at the table next to our pool, and my mom started going on and on about how she didn't want me to suffer from mental illness, but that my panic attack might not have been caused by anxiety (which she denies that I have), but rather the fact that I was hiding something big from my family.  She continued by saying I had "left a trail of breadcrumbs" for her and my dad to follow.

Now, this is where the conversations starts to go downhill, fast.  She claimed that she and my dad thought I left a lot of evidence pointing to the fact that I'm gay (the only evidence she provided being my choice in books to read that have gay characters and themes, like Becky Albertalli's books, and my brother making occasional gay jokes).  She was pressuring me to just tell her.

And I was trying to, I really was, but the simple words "I'm gay" just wouldn't leave my throat.  Eventually I manage to say, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian."

My mom immediately said that I couldn't possibly know whether or not I'm gay, just from seeing gay characters in media, so I explained that the idea of being with a guy is uncomfortable, and I can't see myself with one.  

Now that she understood that I was serious about thinking I "might" be gay, she told be that she and my dad would love and accept me no matter what.  You might be thinking, how is this not going well, isn't that the response we would want?  But it didn't end there.

What my mom said was basically "We love you no matter what, but your life will be hard because of this, and if you want, we could send you to gay therapy to make it easier."

Now, conversion therapy is illegal in my state, and my parents wouldn't send me to it even if it was allowed, but the ideal response still isn't to offer any other version of gay therapy.  She was going on and on about a LGBTQ+ group therapy session downtown, saying that I could go if I wanted to, since she assumed I might be harassed at school (my school is like super accepting btw).  

Eventually the conversation turned to my dad and telling him, she asked if I wanted to tell him, and when I shook my head she asked if it was because he's homophobic, to which I said yes.  So she decided that she would tell him for me (also not ideal but oh well), and promised that they had already discussed the possibility and that he was fine with it (apparently he can't stand MLM but can be okay with WLW).  She also talked about who I could tell and who I shouldn't tell in the family if I wanted to tell anyone else.  I told her I was already out at school and had my friends' support, and that they helped me when I was out to them as bi and questioning if I might actually be gay.  She suggested I find a teacher to be out to (which I haven't done even though I'm really close with several teachers).

The next day I was laying in bed and she came and and asked, "Are you even interested in girls? It's normal to think they're cute, maybe you just haven't found the right guy yet"

To this I responded, "Yes Mom, I'm actually interested in girls, and I think I would be really happy with one."  She said she just wanted to clarify in case my dad had questions when she told him.  She never told me whether or not he knows, but I'm pretty sure he does since he looked at me differently a when he saw me after school that Monday.  But after the conversation, my sexuality has never again been spoken of.

My parents promised to try and make less accidentally homophobic comments, and they are trying their best, there's just a long way to go.  It's getting better, slowly.

If you have any questions about other stuff that happened after/during that I might have forgotten to add, feel free to ask away! (Or to ask about anything really unless it's super personal)

Also, If you are out of the closet, how did it happen/go for you?

Have a great new year guys, gals, and non-binary pals!