Thoughts.

You know my name not my story.

Hi My name is Brittany I am battling depression.

My mother left me when i was about 3 years old, she tried to fight for me but she just left. when i got older I cried a LOT. she came back but i want nothing to do with her why? because she doesn't call me or see how i am doing. there's nothing more to say if she wanted to be in my life why hasn't she tried? my mom wouldn't call for 3 weeks, I haven't been there in 4 months. then I gave up on her. i needed to move on...

When I turned 7 i got sexually abused! he brain washed me saying it was okay for him to do this but it was my fault for letting him touch me... he did things and showed me things a little girl wasn't aloud to and he made me have low self a esteem and conedfcend. as i got older, i told him i didn't want to do this anymore he said OK and hugged me i didn't hug him back, i didn't love him anymore.. the next 2 weekends it started again. i couldn't take it anymore, it felt good but it was wrong of him to touch me. as the years came by I told my best friend and we told her grandmother I cried when we did they told me about 5 or 10 times it wasn't my fault did i believe them? No. But then we told my step mother we told the cops and they said they cant do anything about so we left it we were pissed off but shit happens right i hear he has depression now.  I hope he feels my pain now. My own fucking Aunt didn't believe me she even married the douchbag!

My bothers? I haven't seen my bother Josh in 6 years my other bother he lives with mt grandmother.

My best friend was a cat, i told him everything in my darkest hours he made the pain go away but he pasted away and now i have to face it on my own..

Grade 6 I stop eating I thought i was fat. I thogth everyone was judging me so i stop, 7,8,9 and 10 i still don't eat. so much hate.

Grade 9 I stared to cut it wasn't deep but in grade 10 they are deeper, just last night i wanted to comient suicide, why? i was feeling like shit i have no friends, i get called names, pushed around, ignored, no one cares, the push me off like I'm not even there, they cut me off, they do a lot of things.

my dads mother passed away he's now depressed to, what if i killed my self ? he would of went crazy! he's in the hospital hes coming out Friday what if he got the news that i was gone? would he care? would he cry? would he ask why? i wouldn't want to see him hurt but i just cant take it anymore. he doesn't pay attention to me and i mean he sits in his room and leaves me alone.

Grade 9 i started pulling my hair out i was so stressed out and i was worrying so i pulled my hair out, its only little parts of my bags but there back now.

I can't sleep at night so i have to take pills that let me sleep.

what goes on in my mind. Alone, worthless, helpless, useless, nobody likes me, nobody cares, no one loves me, no one would care if i died. ashamed, a regret. A mistake, piece of shit, unwanted, bitch, slut, whore,  not good enough, unloved, fat, no one likes you, hated ,a lot others i wouldn't dare to say..

On Tuesday 14th 2014 My friend wrote me a letter saying how bad of a friend i am the note was so worst it made me want to end everything i cried in the washroom and she made me cut when i got home, but i told a teacher and she talk to her.... she told em off on Facebook yeah i checked she didn't even say shit. but i still felt alone. Everyday i walk in the halls they give me dirty looks even her best friend, they yelled out BITCH, I felt so ashamed. what should i do? cut cut cut...

I started to listen to 1D harry help me stop cutting but only for a while, niall horan saved my life, and liam Payne helped me get throught my day.

my self est-eem is very low, i am very self counsus and i don't like going out to places. i lock myself in my room doing nothing i just stair at the wall.

I cant even pay attention in school, i havent in 2 weeks.

Nobody knows this about me how i feel but you do, but do you care?

its for the attention right? all of this right? think again.

i'm lost and i'm scared.

i cried at home becuase of girls at my school. everybody made fun of me becuase i was small and short. my sister hurts me, and yesrteday i cried in the washroom all day. becuase i wanted to end my life becuase i felt like i failed everyone.

so if you listen actions an words do hurt!!! All these words in thoughts is true about me. I have scars all over my arms right now but there fresh.

this is why i wanted to commit suicide last night.