50 things to do...

... on a long plane journey

50 Things To Do On A Long Plane Journey

1. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it

2. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar

3. Hijack the cockpit and, over the loudspeaker, announce that the first class passengers and luggage are to switch places

4.Run down the aisle screaming,"He's got a bomb! He's got a bomb!"

5. Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed

6. Fly into a rage whenever the word "Gallstone" is mentioned

7. "Accidentally" soda spill on the dork next to you.

8. Jump up and scream "AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!"

9. Tap at the windows, saying "Looks pretty tough" then ask someone if they have a bat you could use to test.

10. Disco dance in the aisle

11. Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends

12. Give someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't"

13. Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!"

14. Describe your sex life in great detail to the five-year-old next to you

15. Try to lead plane in song "Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner"

16. Lead a revolt against the first class passengers

17. Attempt to promote Hinduism among passengers

18. Moon passing Delta planes

19. Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane

20. Start a hot dog stand

21. Steal businessman's laptop, play solitaire on it

22. Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes

23. During the inflight movie, ask to share headphones with someone

24. When two people kiss in the film, belch real loud

25. When there's any nudity, say "Hey! He/she must be real cold!"

26. Tell the person next to you your life story, from DNA to that afternoon

27. With the person next to you, discuss cannabilism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands

28. Remark that perhaps you shouldn't have put superglue in your undies that morning

29. Pick your nose and pat the person next to you

30. No matter what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni

31. Show off your Batman underwear

32. Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only) 

33. Switch accents and see if anyone notices

34. During the meal, loudly explain that on time you ate shark fin soup  

and proceeded to puke all over the airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers

35. Sneak into the cockpit and hit the warning alarm

36. Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die

37. Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head 

38. Scratch your butt, then sniff your finger

39. Go into the cockpit, flick on the intercom light, then loudly inquire as to why the fuel dial says "e"

40. Ride carry-on luggage down the aisle, yelling "Yeee-ha!"

41. Don't use deodorant, then "accidentally" stick your armpit in someone's face

42. Sneeze, using somebody's sleeve instead of your hand to cover it

43. Listen to James Brown, sing along (especially the "Oooh Oooh" parts)

44. Snort when you laugh

45. Tell corny jokes and laugh like it's absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same.

46. Wear a hairpiece and switch it often, seeing if anyone notices

47. Sing a really irritating song over and over again (Preferably Justin Bieber - Baby)

48. Recite all you can of the last Ann Landers column

49. Hum the Monty Python theme song

50. Act like a movie star