my mind is almost blank. your mouth is the same. like if i were to buy a blank canvas at the store with the intention of painting something beautiful, then when i get home i lose all inspiration and never want to touch the canvas again. the next week the empty canvas is aching for something, its tired of being nothing. i force myself to try to draw that same image because of all the guilt of not having done it before, but it turns out sloppy and inadequate. now all i can do is think of what i could have improved. it can be redone over and over but the more i try to fix it the less i can picture the perfect painting i saw in the beginning.
thats how it is with you. in the beginning was excited and prepared for what was to come. your energy wasnt the same and you seemed to stop caring. this went on and on so eventually i blamed it on myself. i apologized, like telling myself to paint, then i convinced myself that we were okay. i convinced myself to draw the painting even though i knew it wouldnt be good anymore. now all i can do is sit and stare at the horror ive made knowing i couldve done better.
hi it's been over a year happy 2019 and happy 2020 sorry this is depressing i'll write something nice at some point
