Please Like Me (Lauren/You)

Sausage Sizzle

"Yeah, it was a tampon"

I groan as I look at the guy's face.
"Oh, god", I sigh loudly.
"You can't flush them down the toilet, mate", his australian accent echoes through my ears, "These old pipes, they're clay"

"Well, I mean, it wasn't me, was it? I don't flush them down the toilet, otherwise I'd know what to expect", I mumble to the worker as he collects his equipment from my garden.

I've been here all morning. I tried doing the dishes when I woke up and nothing worked. I called a guy and from then on, all he's done is ruin my garden, with his pipes and cameras and hammers or whatever.

"Well, obviously no one's to blame", he says.
"Well, obviously someone's to blame", I whisper under my breath.

Before I can complain about anything else, he hands me the bill. I focus my eyes on it and they go wide instantly.
"Five hundred and fifteen dollars?", I gasp.
"Yeah, the camera equipment is pretty expensive", he replies, casually, "And I didn't charge you for the full second hour. Here's the camera footage we got"

The man hands me the footage as I gape at it.
"Camera footage?", I question, "Of the tampon?"
"Yep."

I reluctantly nod at him, as I glance back at my plants, all dead now, from the pipe work or something.
"I'll clean up then", I hear the guy say, before he starts pulling ropes and tools, killing what was left of my tomato plants.
He spends probably the next half hour 'cleaning up', but all I can see is my tomatoes being murdered in my own backyard, as I take Cora onto my arms as to her not do any more damage than necessary.

"Who's had their period in the house?", I question, loudly, as I enter the living room after watching a random guy stomp on my tomatoes for nearly an hour, "Normani?"
Normani's head turns to me from the couch as she rushes into defending herself, "I don't know, not me. You were always so fussy about that"

I eye her as I pause in the middle of the room. It's nearly 11am and I can almost visualise the time running out of my hands as Normani just lies there, on the couch, no pants on.
"Why are you sitting? You have to get up. We gotta go get Ally", I complain.

I hear Normani groan as I head back to my room to get my stuff. As I look for my keys I complain some more, to myself; I am in a bad mood today, I am in a bad mood.
"Oh, shit, I'm up, I'm up", Normani's voice reaches my bedroom, "Can we use the shower now?"
"Nope", I exclaim, entering the living room, "No shower. There's no time"
"But I'm disgusting", Normani complains.
"Yeah, disgusting", I add.

I'm putting my jacket on as Normani gets up from the couch, and Billie walks into the room, also pantless, finally awake. I pause.
My arms are up and my jacket is halfway through my torso but I can't find it in me to finish the process.
It's been almost a week and things have been awkward; at least on my end. Since the car kiss, nothing else happened and I have been anxious while she has been seemingly unbothered, as if nothing happened. We haven't mentioned it, even though I've vented about it heaps to Normani in our sleepover sections in the middle of the night in her room.

"Oh, Billie, have you had any girls in the house?", I manage to ask, finishing the jacket putting task.
"No", she says, walking straight towards the kitchen.
"Well, it wasn't one of my friends. I haven't brought any girls into the house", I complain once again, impatient, as I watch Normani struggle to put pants on, "What's with the no pants thing? Are we done with pants? Is nobody wearing pants anymore?"

"This is it. This is how I'm going to smell to see Ally in the first time in a year", Normani groans as she zips up her jeans, and thats when it hits me.
"It was Jenny!", I snap my fingers and point at Mani in realisation, "Obviously it was Jenny!"
"It wasn't Jenny", I hear her mumble as I open the front door.